MARGO

I do not think a blog with MARGO in the title will influence the "list" But it couldn't hurt! Happy New Year.
post script: Don and I made it on Margo's top ten friends list, but at number 8. I think Don holds me back!!!

Benazir Bhutto

How does a person continue on when both brothers and father were all killed in the cause? How does a woman whose husband spent 8 years in jail (allegedly tortured during part of that time) continue to push for reform in a country that ultimately kills her. She leaves behind three kids.
Why wouldn't she move to the UK or the US where her kids could be safe and her skills could be appreciated?
I always wonder what makes a Bhutto, Gandhi, King, Mother Teresa. What pushes a person beyond all imagining?
I can never get over why a person in the country would even want to hold public office and be at ever constant risk of public character assignation. But the world stage is even more volatile, and the consequences even more deadly.
I admired Benazir enormously. I found the Isreali's PM's comments moving when he said she was a woman "courageous for her country." In religion and politics I imagine these two never agreed on anything. But he more than most understood the forces that molded her and the fire that drove her for democratic principles for her people.

First try using video maker

I just discovered that A. I have windows XP on my laptop and B.It has windows movie maker.
With a quick coaching tip from Corey I turned my first video into a movie. I still need to figure out how to add music to the title and credits. Tell me what you think.

Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and relationships

We normally think of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle to mean " a person never can know all the properties of any unit of matter, because the act of studying changes its behavior". Now if you are a true geek you would know that this definition is more like "observer effect" and not quite Heisenberg. (Actually Heisenberg initially thought of it in similar terms, but later came to see this was a specific case of his more general theorem which after all involved the measurements of the wave functions of particles whether before or just after measurement.)
Anyway in real life if you carefully observe something the act of observing it changes it in some way. Or so they say. Not that it has to change in a significant way. Who but a Quantum Physicists would even realize a change in wave function?
This got me thinking about relationships, memories, and peoples' interpretations. If you reflect on a shared event, a fight, a party, a birth or death, and you think you know what occurred- does your very reflecting on it change what happened?
Or does the "lens" you reflect through color the event? For instance, I have friends divorcing or on the brink there of. As they reflect on past events, ones that appeared happy or at least benign take on a more serious or sad coloring. Were those events hints of things to come? Or were they good and happy but it is only now that reflecting in sorrow or anger changes them?
Also, when Donnie and I are angry at one another I am forever asking "but what did you mean by that? How could you? It must have meant something- things do not just happen?"
But he is a person who reacts to things and at least in his mind very rarely intends anything. When I am not angry I think of it as laid back, when I am angry I think of it as a person who gets blown about and never ACTS only reacts.
If we are reflecting on something that occurred and we are in the midst of strong emotion (anger/defensive) are we changing the event?
Is there really any point in going over something in the past? Or is the important thing not that reflecting on something changes it, but how you treat one another while reflecting?
I love to go over in my mind the first kiss, the moment Mary was born, etc. He barely remembers those events even with prompting. Yet he could sit forever listening to old Beatles songs or engaging in the same hobbies that he has engaged in for the last forty years and I am eager to learn the next new thing.
My friend who may divorce is struggling to keep happy memories as HAPPY and not, in light of her current pain look at those times as if there were hidden bombs waiting to explode.
Another friend only wants to bemoan how awful her X is and everything is horrible. But I remember some of those times too and I am sure they were fine. Weren't they?
Heisenberg, Observational Effect, Recovered Memory.....lots of theories.... the mind is amazing. Can theoretical queries even matter in day to day living? Mary went crazy in classes of Philosophy because the whole Mind in a Vat theory seemed like a stupid waste of time.
Some people view religion as not relevant in todays world, others cannot imagine living with out some sort of Divine Spark.
Some people tune out when Heisenberg is even mentioned. Others marvel at the fact that a whole world exists that can only be theorized and never quite seen. Wave particles, atomic energy..... and theories that apply to the particles of matter can also be applied to how people react to their world, so amazing to me.
By the way COPENHAGEN is playing in Boston in Feb, the imagined conversation between Heisenberg and Nels Bohr and his wife during WW2... Quantum Mechanics, theatrical performances and the confessions and actions of man...

Christmas Stockings...

...do not get hung by the chimney with care. If they did, they would pull the mantel down. Here are all the stockings sans mine and
M & Ms (Mary and Matt share a stocking)are laid out on the deacons bench. BTW in summer the deacons bench is filled with bike helmets, sandals and beach gear. In winter it houses the mittens and gloves for our family of nine.

Christmas day

Time to relax. Don not only had to work the day after Christmas, he had to referee hockey games BEFORE work as well. someone has to pay the Santa bills.

Son-in laws are wonderful

Every time poor Matt walks in the door I have some computer task for him. I promised him once he owns his own home he will do the same every time Don the carpenter walks in.

Aeropostale

From head to toe.

Pigs in a blanket

Forget exotic hors d'avores. Nothing says loving like little franks and pop an' fresh rolls.

Christmas Cat

Paleface is certain there is something for him.

Movie before Mass

I was trying to figure out how to make the video work with Nikki's encouragement. The result is not great cinema but hey gotta start somewhere. Tim and my brother Yon make a brief appearance. Yon is always a little sad on Christmas as he ends up missing our parents. His form of brain damage makes time always feel in the present tense. This is good in one way as it means he can really enjoy himself. But sometimes when we talk about Christmas past it feels very immediate to him and he gets blue.
He did have fun opening his gifts and managed to sneak half the candy out of my stocking the rat!

Venite Adoramus, Dominum

Christmas is winding down. The A Christmas Story marathon is in its last half hour. The girls are sharing "what I got"s with the neighbor's daughters. Joe and Jamie drowsily play with a few toys while watching the tv. Corey and Tim are both on computers and Don is bundled up in our bedroom listening to his New Beatles CD collection. The cats and dogs are milling about, batting at gift wrap and string remnants and snuffling for dropped holiday treats.
We began the day with Joe's footsteps padding above us in the living room. He was peeking but not touching at five a.m. He curled up on the couch to wait until the allowed wake up of 7.
After the rest of us staggered out and scavenged through our stockings we did the one at a time gift opening. Five a piece this year-felt like slim pickings -but hey we are all together, all healthy, and all in one place so you cannot buy that! (I really like the all in one place except all in the bathroom when I am in there, sigh.)
We went to the ten a.m. Mass and even Yon made it! We fill two pews when we are all there and I hoped it would be easier sitting in front of naughty Joe. I was wrong however! Periodically I turned around to hiss at him!
I love singing Oh Come All Ye Faithful in Latin and Tim and I nearly got us in trouble when Silent Night began. For some reason I began singing it in German and he in Spanish, then Joe who was bellowing it out in English, began to laugh. We are a family of geeks.
Home to Mary, Matt, and more gifts. (Did I mention my married daughter, my eldest son, and my most favorite son-in-law got us a flat screen television!!?)
Lil and Kev stopped by to bring and get goodies, we ate the last of the free Shaws turkeys, chatted on the phone with the Ohio girls, and kicked back to relax and play with our toys.
Another Christmas is drawing to a close..... Venite Adoramus Dominum.
Noche de paz, Stille nacht

First Try With New Rosie Inspired Camcorder

On Rosie's blog she touted the new Flip Video as an easy way to capture and share quick videos. She made a very funny slice of life one that she aired on her blog about walking down the street with her kids.
The simple how to use instructions and its relatively low cost appealed to me. Last year we got a digital camera that can record 3 minutes of video. But when I see something I want to capture I can never remember how to work the taping mechanism. By the time I figure it out the moment has passed.
So I asked Santa for the Flip and showed his buyer what it looked like. Then on Christmas morning I got...the RCA Small Wonder Camcorder.... ok not exactly the Flip, but its works great!
I have owned it for less than a day and already I am an aspiring Spielberg.

Mary Starts a New Tradition

She made each of us a place card. An actual place setting for each of us will have to wait until they get a bigger place however. Good food, good fun, a video game called Rock star, geeky history books, and terrific food, not to mention some VERY fine presents made for a wonderful new family tradition.

Annual Christmas Party

I think this picture sums up the annual McClellan/Howland/Blauss etc family Christmas gathering at Camp Kiwanee, one big blur.

Toe the line

Julie finds art inspiration everywhere. Am I, as parent suppose to support such a thing? I offer my toes to the gods of artistic endeavor.

Cat- Fish

Paleface was stunned to discover the goldfish in the house. But he was not the only one curious. Moby and the little fish schooled over to check the cat out and poor Paleface was shocked!

Great thought for the day: TEENAGERS

I have three teens living in my house currently. Just finished raising two others (early twenties), I have a 12 year old who wishes she were a teen NOW. I have friends who are Youth Ministers to a bunch of teens. Helped teach confirmation to an awesome group of 16 teens, and even helped run retreats for a couple of hundred teens. Not to mention I am substitute teaching up at the high school. Oh yes and I work the night shift at a Detox where my most favorite patients are adolescents. None of this makes me any sort of expert on teenagers I just happen to know a bunch of them.
What I find most amazing about them (besides how much junk food they can put away) is how their spiritual side is so little addressed or nurtured by anyone around them.
Now a couple of years ago those little bracelets began appearing with the initials WWJD- I think it was a little born again saying to remind teenagers to think about Jesus. I guess it was a good idea. A lot of adults around me seemed to think so. But I was always a little uncomfortable with Jesus as Mommy/Santa making a list and checking it twice to make sure kids did the right thing. I could not imagine that Jesus hovering over you making sure you behaved was the role He envisioned for Himself. I mean isn't that suppose to be mommy's job? Isn't Jesus bigger than that?
Then today I was blog searching and came across a blog by a guy named Tony and he said:

"the real question is not necessarily what would Jesus do, but what is He doing?"

Well I nearly fell out of my chair. Because he is correct. It is not what would He do, its what He is doing. It active, its now, its present in the lives of our teenagers. Jesus isn't there making them do the right thing, He is in them and around them doing things now.
The kids I know, the good ones in CCD (lol ok most were there because their parents made them....nothing wrong with that, it IS our role after all.) the mischievous ones who live here, the challenging ones in school, the suffering ones at the Detox- thirst to get to know who they are....all of who they are, their corporal parts, their intellectual parts, their emotional parts, and their spiritual parts.
They listen to what their peers say, they haunt the internet, they fill their lives with their music. They are eager to explore all of who they are and what they can be in this world.
We have an obligation, a sacred privilege to make Christ bigger than WWJD and celebrate what He is doing now in all our lives. Cool quote huh?

In from the cold.

Last year we left the fish to weather the winter in their 18 inch garden pond. We did not expect them to live but low and behold 7 of the 13 did! So this winter I promised we would bring in whoever still lived to winter in the 55 gallon tank that sits in our laundry room. The tank is viewed from our bedroom where it appears built right into the wall. When we first moved to Carver it was a busy tropical fish tank that had freshwater fishies and lovely waving plants. It thrived for about three years and then died out and we never did get around to refilling it.

Moby and the little fishies

In the spring when we went to clean out the garden fish pond and restart the filter seven of the original 13 fish were still alive. 6 normal looking fishies and MOBY. Apparently while the other fish hibernated Moby ate some of his companions. All the fish were little 10 cent feeder fish. They all started out the same size but now one little fishy is a giant. Moby would be worth some good money at the pet store. But to us he is priceless. Hopefully, by bringing them in for the winter, he will not resort to eating the other fish

Built in relaxation

The tank is along the wall by the end of my bed. The best view currently is from the little blue living room couch that we have down in our room. (Had to make room for the Christmas tree in the living room.) I LOVE having the couch there. From it I can see the fireplace, the fish tank, and the tv plus write on my laptop and read a book under my Daddy's quilt. Does it get any better than that?

Jamie helps

No one works harder than Jamie. He helped me lug every single piece of gravel upstairs and scrubbed them clean and then brought them back down. Then he proceeded to fill the 55 gallon tank, one gallon at a time, with empty milk bottles filled with water. Finally he helped me with the wiring and covering of the tank.
He is posed wearing his 155 dollar glasses. He lost the last pair. If he (see previous blog entry about the amount I have spent at the dentist and optometrist.) If he loses THIS pair He will be swimming with the fishes, ahem.

Totally love snow

Totally, but then again, I do not have to shovel it. I knew there was a benefit to having all these boys around the house. Our only concern during a big storm is if we lose power. Because if we do...there goes the well pump: No well pump, no well water, no well water no water for the animals. More importantly no water to flush! Now that is a crisis in a house with one toilet and nine people.

Nikki in blue

We were suppose to drive to Brockton but the storm hit. So instead of buying and putting in hair extensions Nikki and I straightened her hair.

Our Courtship Song by Dan Fogelberg

"Since You've Asked

What I'll give you since you asked is all my time together
Take the rugged sunny days, the warm and rocky weather
Take the roads that I have walked along, looking for tomorrow's time
Peace of mind
As your life spills into mine, changing with the seasons
Filling up the world with time, changing time to reasons
I can show you all the songs that I never sang to someone before
We have seen a zillion stars lying by the water
You have climbed the hills with me to the mountain shelter
Taking off the days one by one, setting them to breathe in the sun
Take the lilies and the lace from the days of childhood
All the willow winding paths leading up and outward
This is what I give, this is what I ask you for
Nothing more"

Dan Fogelberg

"Scarecrow's Dream

Seldom seen a scarecrow's dream
I hang in the hopes of replacement
Castles tall, I built them all
But I dream that I'm trapped in the basement
And if you ever hear me calling out
And if you've been by paupers crowned
Between the wolds of men and make-believe I can be found
Plans I've made
A masquerade fading in fear of the coming day
Heroes' tales like nightingales
Wrestle the wind as they run away
And if you ever hear them calling out
And if you've been by paupers crowned
Between the worlds of men and make-believe I can be found
Garden gate
An empty plate waiting for someone to come and fill
Scarecrow's dreams like frozen streams
Thirst for the thaw but they're running still
And if you ever hear them calling out
And if you've been by paupers crowned
Between the wolds of men and make-believe I can be found"

Dan Fogelberg

"To The Morning

Watching the sun...watching it come
Watching it come up over the rooftops
Cloudy and warm...maybe a storm
You can never quite tell from the morning

(Chorus)
And it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no to the morning
Yes it's going to be a day
There is really nothing left to say but come on morning

Waiting for mail
Maybe a tale from an old friend or even a lover
Sometimes there's none
But we have fun thinking of all who might have written

(Chorus)

And maybe there are seasons
And maybe they change
And maybe to love is not so strange

The sounds of the day
Now they hurry away
Now they are gone until tomorrow
When day will break and you will wake
And you will rake your hands across your eyes and realize
That it's going to be a day
There is really no way to say no to the morning
Yes it's going to be a day
There is really nothing left to say but come on morning

And maybe there are seasons and maybe they change
And maybe to love is not so strange"

R.I.P. Dan Fogelberg

"High on this mountain
the clouds down below.
I'm feeling so strong and alive.
From this rocky perch
I continue to search,
For the wind and the snow and the sky.
Oh I want a lover
and I want some friends.
And I want to live in the sun.
And I want to do all the things that I never have done."

Resting on a park bench during Advent

There is a bit of a mystery. Late Sunday, going into Monday morning, perhaps around 3 a.m. Jamie woke to the sound of a truck braking. Peeking out his window, he saw an older guy stop his red truck, get out, and sit on our park bench for a while. He sat there, head in hands, for about fifteen minutes, then slowly got up, returned to his vehicle, and drove off.
Jamie worried about who this guy was- good guy or bad? Joe commented that it was our bench and we shouldn't let anyone on it.
But I just hoped this poor stranger found a measure of peace sitting on our park bench. I wonder what troubled him and if he received strength or comfort pausing there.
The bench rests on the corner of our lot, in front of the garden. It faces the intersection of the two dead end roads that bracket our land. Interestingly, almost every other place to sit at our home faces inward. For instance from no where in the house can you sit comfortably in a chair and look out a window. I am not sure why, lack of space I suppose. And every chair outside focuses on the garden, or the fireplace, or the animals, or is angled to not be seen from the road. (No neighbor needs to see the belly of the white whale when I am trying to tan my tummy!)
But the garden bench faces outward towards the road, into the neighborhood and sights beyond. It is intended for the kids, waiting at the bus stop, to sit on. (More importantly in Don's opinion, it helps to keep them off the rock retaining wall he constructed behind the bench.) The children actually line their backpacks on it. The rule is whoever gets outside first puts down the first book bag. Then as each kid comes out they continue lining the bench with bags and that is the order they got onto the bus. No one told them this rule. But we all know that, left to themselves, kids live for order (and bossing littler kids around!)
Don and I often use the bench after taking a long night walk. We have also been known to sit out there so we can have a down and dirty argument. There is no private space in our house except perhaps our bedroom. But there are so many more interesting things to do in there and I prefer to argue outside and save indoors as our getaway.
Teens from up the street also gather there briefly while they are discussing the latest music downloads, or plotting their mischief. Little toddlers, on walks with their moms, have been known to climb up on the bench to reach the flowers growing behind it. I have also seen the neighborhood kids after school use it to lean their bikes on while they are chasing a cat, picking an apple, or plotting a plan.
I have witnessed exercising adults sit on the bench so they can tie their shoe or fix their ear plugs. I have even seen a couple of cats lay on the bench arms, like matching Sphinxes, completely ignoring one another while maintaining the same pose!
The bench may just be a convenience but I see it as something more. We are all living at warp speed. Everyone, kids- grown ups- apparently even pets- rush from one activity to the next. The park bench calls to all of us to pause for a moment to catch our breaths, reflect, catch-up, or just plain stop.
All the people who use our weathered bench have a need for rest and support. They seek out its comforting perch, probably without ever reflecting why they need to rest by a stranger's garden.
I do not know who the man was, who on his late night driving felt compelled to pull over and just sit in silence for a moment. But I am glad our bench helped in its own small way to provide a needed service to a fellow human being. It reminds me to take time, during this season of Advent to rest and reflect, and renew.

Here Comes the Sub

This morning I had the opportunity to be sub for the day, filling in for the new history teacher. I spent the last few days asking every adolescent I knew if they had her as a teacher but had no luck finding any of my Fav teens in her class. Turns out, not only did I get to teach two history classes but I also managed to proctor a study AND substitute for a Psychology and a Criminal Justice class. How great was that!
Now way back in the early eighties I subbed in Hanson and I recall taking the teachers' ed plans for the day and teaching the kids (elementary and middle school.) . But the stuff I was expected to do today seemed like so much busy work, meant to torture the students. No wonder kids hate subs!
The two history classes, a college prep and applied, had tons of reading and writing! The kids for the most part plowed through the work with some good natured grumbling. But it certainly was not very inspiring for any of us.
On the other hand the psychology class really sparkled. We ended up answering the questions as a class, books open and pens at the ready. It was a ball! I love psych and luckily knew all the answers without having to look in the book! (Unlike next Tuesday when I will be a math teacher for the day, then I will look like the village idiot!)
The kids were awesome and we only only had one nerve wracking moment when the Vice Principal came in to observe and check us all out.
Apparently he was not expecting actual "teaching" to occur. But me and my big mouth- I just couldn't let those poor kids suffer and feel the Piaget and psychology of developing humans was boring. So many interesting experiments in this chapter of their book, so many important discoveries about what all people need for optimal growth...
Anyway it was a ball! I had a few wise guys of course and some of the comments caught me off guard. For instance one girl quite casually discussed awaking in the morning, in bed, with her boyfriend. We were talking about how temperament is inbred and used as an example the different ways people greet the morning, some wide awake and either, others at A SLOWER PACE, STILL OTHERS WITH A SNEER AND GROWL AT LEAST UNTIL THEIR COFFEE KICKS IN.
That this girl could so casually mention her boyfriend in bed with her, and no one blinked an eye, was a little disconcerting, to say the least!
Now tomorrow I get to be a Spanish teacher and I am really looking forward to that! As far as the most challenging thing about my first day, I would have to say it was getting the nerve up to eat lunch in the teacher's lounge (the Inner Sanctum). I was perfectly content to eat in the cafeteria with the kids. I love the geeks and the jocks and the behaviorals and the socially awkwards and the too cool for words kids. But I found the thought of deciphering the teacher hierarchy and power system a bit intimidating. Kids are much more welcoming in that regard!

A Perfect Moment

Do you ever have perfect moments- When you are totally in the present tense, all senses alive, just BEing? I love those times and treasure them.
The only thing better than a perfect moment is when that perfection is shared. The other day, after coming home from I cannot recall where, we all climbed from the van and scattered. Don and I walked in front of the van heading towards the shed. He was intent on fetching some tool or other and I was, hmmm I don't even know, probably talking his ear off.
We paused in between van and shed as the chickens began to make their way towards us. It was a crisp cold day, breath puffs of air floating out of our mouths. We both watched in amused silence as the hens clucked and scratched and wandered underfoot.
The chickens are suppose to stay behind the sheds during their free range time, but they recently learned to hop the fence and now they have begun to peck and cluck their way towards the side yard.
They are quite unafraid of people. Joe spends hours playing with them, teaching them to fly, having them sit on his shoulder, making them nests, and feeding them treats. Most of them ignored Don and I but a few poked curiously at our shoe laces and were content to mill about making that soft cooing clucking sound that happy hens make. Its like a friendly little murmur.
Some of them have shimmering plumage, others have such distinct personalities that you can tell them apart from their less distinctive friends.
Sounds, sights, smells, the taste of the crisp air all so vibrant and alive. With out any particular conscious thought or plan I gave my imitation rooster crow. Suddenly the entire flock leaped into action and with panicked squawks they raced back to their pen.
One moment they were calmly milling about, the next in a frenzy to get to safety. I looked at Don in shock, and then- the perfect moment. He burst out in his surprise laugh and looked at me with amused affection. He does that sometimes when life catches him off guard, his laugh spills out of him and he grins that little boy grin. I love the look he gives me, still warms me down to my toes! We came together simultaneously to hug, and watch those silly birds and their race to roost.
Thats it, thats all, one brief moment of perfect. A loving good laugh shared, a silly second of humor and affection.

Half-way Decorated

Decorating always takes a long time. Each child has their own box of ornaments. Every year Donnie gets them one that he feels best represents them. There was Santa brushing his teeth- for Mary when she was 16 months old and obsessed with tooth paste. Jamie's rocking horse-baby's first Christmas ornament, the baseball playing bear stealing base when Corey was ten. Many of the ornaments were made by my Mom and they always bring back a laugh at some distant memory and sometimes a tear. The red star that goes on top I made in fourth grade. I carefully pasted pine cone peels onto cardboard then painted them red, the high point of my artistis career!
The last ornament is a little silver angel Donnie got to honor a baby we lost. He and I always put it on after the kids go to bed. For many years I woudl cry and cry. But now the little angel has grown to represent the dozens of children who were so briefly "ours". The two babies we lost to miscarriage and the many foster children whom we adored, and shared out lives with. Jazzy and Shaun and all the rest.
God Bless us everyone.

Presents Under the Tree

After we decorated, the gang posed under the tree for a quick snapshot. The animals are wearing jingle bell collars and Joe is desparately trying to convince Donnie to let him sleep under the tree this weekend.

Hunting for a tree

Every year we go out to the power lines and cranberry bogs and search for the perfect tree. We have gone on very cold days, a few quite mild ones, and once while it snowed! Some years we pick it out during a Thanksgiving walk and then two weeks before Christmas we harvest our tree. Sometimes we drive to find our tree, like the years we went out behind the Hanson train station (farmland when Don was a boy) or to Russ and Eileen's farm in Middleboro. Yesterday we simply hiked the power lines to see if we could cross the swamp to the bogs. The rickety boards put down by the dirtbikers offered ample foot support to keep our shoes dry and we found our tree.

Chopping down the Christmas tree

I am still not sure if the kids are a help or a hindrance but every year they pitch in (and get covered in pitch) to select the perfect white pine tree for our living room.

This is the one!

Lugging the tree home.