The Nerve of it all

I am so delayed in my blogging and I do apologise. I have been plaintively (is there such a word?) waiting for the pain to subside so that I can sit upright and blog blog blog like mad. So much to write about, our St Lucia fantasy trip, new bunnies born, the world of kindergarten, Spring, the garden, the children and of course the goings on around town.
But my near month's long battle with a pinched nerve has left me with severe almost unremitting pain, a foggy memory of most of school vacation, and everything the whole month long colored in shades of dismal gray (truly the color of pain.)
I shall kvetch about the pain in this blog and this blog only. Then I shall play catch up and let you in on all the fun this Spring. For starters it truly is Spring with a capital S. In spite of the rain doesn't it feel as though this is the first real spring we have had in years?
Ok on with the kvetching. Just before we left for our trip to St Lucia we were all outside happily working on the garden. By day's end I was trying to fill a new garden bed with dirt we had created the year before courtesy of poopy chickens and rabbits!
At the end of the day Saturday my muscles were sore and my back a little twingy, both signs to stop before I continue and wind up with a pulled back. But although I was tired I only needed a few more wheel barrels full of new dirt to finish off the bed. I tried to get Jamie, Tim, and Yon to do it for me but they had long since lost any enthusiasm for gardening.
Instead of insisting one of them help, or waiting until the next day (Easter) I foolishly overfilled and lugged the dirt over to complete the bed myself. By early next evening I could feel the tingling run down my arm. Monday was worse,and by Tuesday, as we were packing our bags for our trip, I commented to Don that I must've pinched a nerve and boy it must be like delayed muscle soreness and I looked forward to the next few days as I was certain it would get better.
Apparently pinched nerves are not like sore muscles. It got worse, much worse instead of better. I did touch base with the Sandals nurse and found out for 100 dollars the doctor would tell me to take Motrin and Flexeril. Xrays etc would wait until I got home. Since I had Motrin and Flexeril with me I decided to dose myself and see the doctor when we got home.
By this point only lying flat or being under water offered relief. The pain -very similar to when you hit your funny bone- radiates from my shoulder across my elbow and down to the top of my hand. My neck feels scrunched and looking up or even raising my chin to try to look up was awkward and uncomfortable.
We got home at 2:40 Thursday morning and I was in with the doctor by 10 a.m. With great sympathy he ordered Xrays, ran a few simple tests and said 'pinched nerve' and something about cervical 5 or whatever. Only rest and a muscle relaxer would help but he had concerns.
For the first time in my life I insisted on pain killers. He was surprised, he has been with me over the years through all my back troubles but never have I taken a pain reliever stronger than Motrin. As he prescribed the vicodan he told me to try anything that could offer relief, including yoga or massage. An appointment was set up for 2 weeks later.
So I spent most of April vacation totally out of it on pain killers and muscle relaxers. Lying down almost always offered relief so I spent very little time vertical. I also spent no time writing and very little time reading or even TV watching. Sleeping at night has become almost comical. I drift off to sleep on my back, instinctively roll to my right side to sleep deeper and of course promptly wake up to a big OUCH. Then having adjusted myself carefully on my back I....start the cycle over and over again.
This week since we are back in school I tried laying down until I need to dress for work. But of course this only works out in my mind. In the real world I have to get up for the rug guys, the phone, the kids, the animals, etc.
My lowest point was Tuesday. After rug guys and school, I spent 3 hours huddled beside the Track in the drizzly rain and wind watching Nikki compete in her meet. The pain was breathtaking. Literally I could hardly breath it hurt so much to move. It hurt worse not moving however.
This morning I went back to the doctors. He showed me his tiny scar left from his surgery to relieve his pinched nerve. We commiserated about the excruciating pain especially when in the car. He handed me another vicodan script and ordered an MRI. We areboth concerned about the marked muscle weakness in the right arm after only 2 weeks.
I then headed home checked on baby bunnies and then off to work. Trying to remain patient when in pain is something I have perfected over the years. But every time a kindergartner accidentally bumped my arm, little beads of sweat popped out on my forehead.
When I arrived home and called back the MRI place they kindly agreed to squeeze me in today....if I could get over to Brockton in an hour. Having just taken 2 vicodan I hesitated over the long drive that I would have to do solo. Don had kid drop off and pick ups to make plus he is umpiring tonight. So he was unable to accompany me.
So..... off to Brockton I went, my anxiety over the MRI preventing any vicodan drowsiness from kicking in. The test itself was uneventful. This was the third one I have had so at least I knew what to expect.
The only difference this time is they put your head and neck in a sort of collar which prevents any movement. I slid into the machine, hands on my belly and immediately my nose itched, then my eye, then my cheek, then my forehead, none of which I could reach!
I drove myself home after first getting a VERY large diet coke to make certain I stayed awake. No problem there as the car ride ensured my arm and shoulder would throb with pain.
Now I am home. I had to disappoint Joe by not being able to bring him to the school for the Magic Show tonight. Even Nikki and her friend wanted to go so they too were disappointed but understanding.
I have a copy of my MRI on computer disc that I am to bring next week to my doctor. I am to call him Monday morning and find out the next step. In the meantime I have very important things to do in my garden, a strawberry patch to weed, herbs to divide and transplant, potato seeds to put in etc.
I have been in pain since the day before Easter and my patience with is it non existent. I am having a big old pity party inside my head. I shall wail and gnash myy teeth tonight and feel good and sorry for me.
But when tomorrow arrives I am going to paste a smile on my face and do what I can when I can, even if it means planting seeds while lying down! So THERE~

St Lucia Renewal

Honeymoon

As I type this I just took my second muscle relaxer of the day. Therefore it is likely that the post will not be beautifully written or carefully edited. Certainly my spelling errors cannot be blamed on pain management, but I truly wanted to get something written down while it is still fresh in my mind. Paradise has so much going for it that I fear I will leave something out. So I shall try to scribble down what I can, pinched nerve pain not with standing. I can always edit this missive when I return home. Apparently the first thing I do once I hit American soil again is go to the doctors. Just before we embarked on our St Lucia getaway I pinched a nerve around my neck or shoulder blade while gardening. The pain has reached unbearable levels so today I have added flexerile to my motrin/tylenol regime.... please God the pain lessens. Even paradise is impacted when the pain gets so bad. Ok enough about that on to our adventure.
Donnie posted about the first day so I will start with Thursday and catch you up to tonight Which is Saturday evening. Thursday dawned, my 47th birthady. As a surprise Don ordered room service. When Gideon brought our food I gleefully told him it was my special day. Amused he asked what Don planned for me to celebrate. I told him room service for breakfast was my gift. Appalled Gideon scolded Donnie goodnaturedly and offered to personally bring me up a bottle of wine, which he did!
After a pleasant meal not eaten on our patio due to the torrential downpours that we had thoughtfully brought to this island nation, affectively ending their months long drought- we headed to the wedding planning office.
That is correct, the wedding planners. You see when we came here for our 25th I was captivated by all the brides. I must've watched over a dozen weddings from behind a palm tree, and was invited to two receptions! I told Donnie how I wanted to wear Wedding gown here in heaven and get married on the beach. Don wanted to know who I was marrying!!!
So when the opportunity came to go to St Lucia again I immediately contacted the wedding office to renew our vows.When I told them it was 27 years for us and was it ok if I wore a wedding gown and veil they were very entertained and said I could do Whatever I wanted, no pressure no problem. With some concern Don agreed to go along with it but worried what I might make him wear. Naturally in all my bride fantisies I had paid no attention to the grooms ensamble. "Honey I do not care if you go barefoot and wear your Red Sox pajamas, but I will be a bride!"
As we walked down to the wedding coordinators office I vowed to be dignified and quiet. As you can imagine my good intentions did not last ten seconds. With in moments they were laughing with us and our plans.
As I chatted about the kids, our marriage, my birthday etc the coordinator could not get enough of us. With great joy she put her 2 year old daughter on the phone to sing me her favorite song....happy birthday to you..... As we discussed wedding cakes (we have the option of 3 flavors) she decided to order me a birthday cake for today. Getting on the phone with the head chef she flirtily buttered him up and got him to agree to send one to my room for free.
When she hung up her partner spoke quietly to her in St Lucian creole, teasing her for using feminine wiles to get a free cake. When I realized the gist of what they were saying I said "Oh you used your best cleavage voice to get what you wanted." Well that did it. Don and I officially became their funnest wedding couple ever!
The cake arrived at a most awkward moment for Donnie (who I made answer the door!) later that night. Lets just say Donnie is not one to easily blush, but he certianly did when the cake was delivered. I leave it to your imagination.
After the wedding planners we repacked for our room change. I did make sure to use the whirlpool in the upgraded room as our downgraded room does not have one. Also we drank the free champaigne as again our downgraded room only supplies nonalcoholic beverages.
We then wandered about checking out changes since our last visit and booking snorkalling times, and dinner reservations. The chef and waiters serenaded me during lunch and then it was time to go to our downgraded room. Private balcony,new paint job, and brand new bathroom. Perfect in other words. The other new thing atthe resort is a scattering of cats who keep the birds and critters at bay. I love having them here!!!!!
A romantic flower petal strewed table, oceanside, reserved for my birthday and we had great fun chatting with the waitress who had been our favorite at the last stay. Ok muscle relaxer kicking in, I may have to edit this later!
Lets see Friday we had a catamarin ride down the west side of the island. We had a tour of the drive in volcano, the beautiful botanical gardens, and lunch literally on the mountain side in a quaint colorful restaurant.
We then headed to Anse Cochen (bay of pigs....not the Cuban Bay of Pigs, St lucia has wild pigs!) We jumped over board to snorkel and again I was struck with the abject terror of sharks that nearly paralized my first attempts to snorkel. I am determined ot overcome this fear!
I did see a 2 foot long eel which nearly sent me back to the boat. We snorkeled through schools of curious fish and marveled at the coral. One little blue gorami looking fish crashed right into my mask and he was more startled than I!
The ride back was a hoot with the rum punch flowing and the crew joking and dancing about. Everyone one in St Lucia sings and dances about. My Julie would fit right in! The bar tender set up six beers and offered a free tshirt to the fastest gent to chug a lug the beer down. 3 men sheepishly came forward and then the barkeep called out to the ladies. Well as you know I HATE beer. It tastes as I imagine piss would. But really a FREE Tshirt!
So I bellied up to the bar and naturally WON! I then became an honorary crew member andgot to stand up with the captain ot learn to steer the boat!
Our evening was spent watching the silly and lovely staff guest talent show and Don also won a tshirt using his guitar and singing talents. Of course his shirt is nice neough, but really he is no member of the boat crew!!!!!! I leave him to tell you all about the musicians..... We ended the night swimming and sitting in the outdoorwhirlpool. When the rain really cmae down Donnie moved an umbrella to cover us. Of course it did not matter how wet we got but dear Lord someone had to protect the rum!
Today we snorkaled, hobie catted (a hobie is a catamaran with a sail on it!)and danced in the rain.
This listing of our actvities in no way captures the wonder and kindness of a poor but magnificent country. Hopefully my pinched nerve will magically improve tomorrow and I can then blog not under the influence of a muscle relaxer. Then again, St Lucia is where Captain Jack Sparrow hid the rum.....

This weekend many of my friends are just finishing up the marathon Holy week. Those that ended their labors with the late night Easter Vigil will be sleeping in this morning. The rest will finish their exhausting endeavour later today on Easter Sunday.
Many have been in church for hours and hours since Thursday. We will not even mention the hours of prep time, training participants, cleaning the Church, practicing readings and songs, and and and.
At different times in my life I too have spent these days in near constant prayer in the past- on my knees sort of praying, not enjoying life sort of praying! There is something very mysterious and yet soothing about the chants and candles, about the looooooooooooong Gospel readings and the traditions that stretch back to the first gatherings of Christians.
As a teen our CYO scrubbed pews and performed the Passion play. I did the readings with my Dad and sister while my brother served as an altar boy. We were at the church daily and it was both tedious and wonderful, the way most things are I suppose.
As a parent I have found the devotion to these days more of a challenge. The last time I went to Easter Vigil Joe was 8. Without his ADHD meds, his near constant fidgeting drove everyone around him crazy. At one point I even feared his fascination with the little wax candle was going to end with a catastrophe.When he finally drifted off to sleep, curled in a tiny ball on the folding chair all those around us breathed a sigh of relief!
My favorite part of Easter became the hour or so I would spend in silence, "keeping Jesus company" in the garden on Holy Thursday. At Our Lady of Lourdes (read Our Lady of Star Market!) that means in the little chapel off the main part of the church.
There I would contemplate the meaning of sacrifice and what God calls of me. OK Sometimes I dozed off but unlike those pesky apostles at least I had a good excuse.
This year I really tried to stress the importance of sacrifice and commitment during Lent. In loving ways I tried to keep track of everyone's Lenten sacrifice, not as a nudgey mom but as a fellow Catholic trying to do what is called of me, of all of us. I guess we won't really know the results of that for years to come.
I did not however spend a lot of time indoors at church this Lenten season. I was as Pa Walton use to say outdoors in God's cathedral. We have been working on repairing fences, rebuilding chicken coops, rearranging bunnies, and trying to move debris in the yard.
All the kids in the neighborhood, excited about good weather have congregated with mixed results. There loud shouts of 'you did not" and 'unfair I quit" are vaguely annoying but also amusing. I remember shouting those very same things as a kid!
I did ask 2 girls to leave the yard yesterday. They were not playing with the boys, indeed they were staring at them and at Don and I as we worked and it was a bit unnerving. I suppose we are entertainment, but if so then those girls really need to get a life! I was also amused by the New England tradition of pretending you do not see your neighbors out working in their yard. Certainly a wave hello or the occasional joking remark is accepted. But it is the unwritten rule to pretend neighbors are unobserved so as to allow us all to enjoy our yards without having to give a running commentary.
Oops I hear footsteps upstairs. The Easter bunny hid some eggs filled with candy. (No chocolate, too tempting!) they shall eat their fill before dressing in old clothes for church. No new outfits for Blausses this year, which I hate and they love. Julie and I shall wear bonnets however. Some traditions are just too good to mess with. Happy Easter!

Mighty Oaks

Today we bid a fond farewell to an important part of the neighborhood. Our side yard oak tree came crashing down with much noise and branch shaking, with the help of my dear friend and brotherinlaw Scott.
Tim counted 96 rings on it and indeed Scott placed it at around 85 years of age. It was sad to bring down such an elder statesman for Atwood street. Come to think of it the oak was in place long before there was an Atwood street. Through out the yard are some mighty tall, mighty wide, mighty old white pines. There is even an oak twin , one that stands proudly at our driveway's end.
But this oak I fell in love with when we first spotted the house. It sat off center in scrubby field that was destined to be to be our side yard.
17 years later, in spite of Don's valiant attempts to turn the field into a lawn it still remains a scrubby sandy pine-coney acorny bit of land. In recent years as the earth has settled (the previous owners buried a lot of stumps in it) the field has sunk a bit and during heavy rains giant puddles form. Thankfully as soon as the sun peaks out the water disappears into the sandy soil. All the kids play hockey, kickball, basketball, and a crazy form of touch (you know it is tackle!) football in that field. They ride bikes across it, play kick the can when it is dark on it, and pogo stick, obstacle course, wagon race all around it. No wonder the grass trembles to grow there!
Through it all our oak stood proudly, just vaguely in the way of the shortstop. But oh it had THE BEST branch to hang a tire swing from and that is what we used it for for many many many many years.
Even when we first moved in however I worried about our mighty oak. At the back was a hollowed out spot of the trunk. I wondered if it meant the tree was sick. All the kids took turns over the years hiding special treasures in it. But in the last few years as the hole became larger and seemed to consume the tree from within, Don carefully checked up it to make sure hornets did not form a nest.
In recent years Joe could practically stand inside the hole and a couple of years ago, concerned about the rot Don cut down the tire swing. We were all sad to see the swing go and knew it was only a matter of time before the tree went too.
My concern lately has been that it might give way and fall on somebody. The way the rot spread it would certainly fall away form the house and crash into our back neighbor's rickety fence. But what if it feel while a child was near?
Just as with the animals it becomes my call to make (when it is time to put them to sleep) so too it fell to me the sad task of putting the tree down. I made the call and my darling Scott strapped on his harness, grabbed his chain saws and began the fine art of taking a half living tree down, without taking anything or anyone else with it.
Of course the chainsaws always seem to inspire a party-like atmosphere. One neighbor joked that she had not yet heard me scream and was wondering if I was having a heart attack. Another neighbor wanted to know who the lumberjack was. "A man with strong thighs like that to hang from a tree? Him I would like to rent for an hour!"
In less than an hour a 96 year living creation of God lay cut in giant pieces upon the earth. It will take more than a week to clean it all up, chop into stackable bits, and move it to near the fireplace.
It had to be done of course. To everything there is a season and all that. Still it is a little wistful to think all the secrets that tree observed over the years. All the children who clambered on and around it.
We will of course plant more than a tree in its place. Maybe not an oak, but something.