When my mom passed away of a broken heart, fifteen months after my dad died, her white Ford Taurus station wagon sat in her driveway for almost ten months. Neither my brother nor I could bare to move it. She loved that car so. Sometimes I would sit in it because it still had 'her' scent.
But it eventually had to move and became mine. For nine years I lovingly drove it, always happy to be in something that meant so much to her. She was funny, my mom. She grew up in a poor family and worked very hard for everything she earned. She grew to adore her material things, and stuff like her hot tub, pool, sewing machines, and cars, brought her great childlike joy.
In the summer I knew it might not make another inspection this January but I still had hopes. I therefore was very angry when Corey took a job way down Cape and his only mode of transportation was the white car. His reasoning was that it was two dollars more an hour than a job in Plymouth. I was furious because of course 2 dollars more an hour would then be spent on gas and oil, not to mention the wear and tear on my car. He could have ridden a bike or been conveniently dropped off by one of us in Plymouth, not so the Cape. I gave him until Christmas to come up with his own vehicle. Of course he never quite managed to save enough.
His own car deadline was moved until the need of January and he lucked out as Don's mom offered us her mini van. I told him he had to make my car pass inspection and then he could have it. Not only did it not pass inspection but it now sits, engine seized, in my driveway.
I am heartbroken. I did not even get to take one last drive in it with Yon. Donnie thinks on Wednesday when the weather warms he might be able to get it started, giving us Wednesday and Thursday to drive it before the sticker expires. But I know he holds no hope that it will really start, and he is just trying to make me feel better.
After Thursday we will sell it for scrap to the junk yard. Don is making Corey give me some money for my mom's white car and I will use it for my new bee hive and for when the baby goats are born. I will spend the little bit of money on my fun hobbies, something my mom would heartily approve.
But tonight, on my parents 52 anniversary I can not help but be melancholy. I loved my mom, she loved that car and while it sits in my driveway I still have a piece of her with me. Sometime after Thursday it will no longer be just outside my door.
Silly thing, to love a car. But I filled it with wonderful memories after mom's passing- of driving out to visit my sister, of taking it to NH to go camping, of going to countless fairs and rabbit shows. My mom called it her Taurus. I always called it the white car because I can never remember the make of any of our vehicles. I will miss the white car. The car my mom loved.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Childhood dreams
The bathroom project continues although the challenges of no toilet have gotten easier for Joe and I. We are currently ensconced in a cozy hotel room about two miles from the Northeast Poultry Congress.
Tomorrow we shall help or observe kids from the Fowl Play 4H club show their birds and enter in showmanship competitions. Joe was talked into coming to the Congress by one of his 4H leaders but too late to enter competatively. I am just grateful to be here, in a lovely FREE hotel with a working bathroom.
It has also been fun reconnecting with Joe who has mostly outgrown me. On this trip he has been witty, engaging, and very insightful. He is amazed at the giant hotel and obvious expense. Classiest place he has ever slept in, he says.
Over supper he shared that just yesterdy he fullfilled a long held childhood dream (his words exactly.)When no one was looking he climbed up from the cellar to the bathroom through the hole in the floor. He said when he was about halfway up thru the floor Nikki walked by, saw him, and kept going. I could not stop laughing. Leave it to Joe to have crawling up through the floor from one room to another as a childhood dream.
As soon as he got to the hotel today, he raced in to take a warm shower and use the toilet. It was mighty cold using the outhouse this morning with a.m.temperatures a brisk 19 degrees. That we both agreed on. But now we are both snug and warm in our separate queensize beds watching tv.
I have been reading up on all my Bee school material which is fascinating. We have been talking about goats, bunnies, and of course everything CHICKENS. When we fall into a companionable silence I marvel at how fast the years go in childhood. My last little buddy to accompany me to shows. I have 3 show seasons left before child 7 leaves Neverland to go off to college.
I have no chickens of my own, at least not yet. But I am happy my youngest son still wants to share the fun with me.
Tomorrow we shall help or observe kids from the Fowl Play 4H club show their birds and enter in showmanship competitions. Joe was talked into coming to the Congress by one of his 4H leaders but too late to enter competatively. I am just grateful to be here, in a lovely FREE hotel with a working bathroom.
It has also been fun reconnecting with Joe who has mostly outgrown me. On this trip he has been witty, engaging, and very insightful. He is amazed at the giant hotel and obvious expense. Classiest place he has ever slept in, he says.
Over supper he shared that just yesterdy he fullfilled a long held childhood dream (his words exactly.)When no one was looking he climbed up from the cellar to the bathroom through the hole in the floor. He said when he was about halfway up thru the floor Nikki walked by, saw him, and kept going. I could not stop laughing. Leave it to Joe to have crawling up through the floor from one room to another as a childhood dream.
As soon as he got to the hotel today, he raced in to take a warm shower and use the toilet. It was mighty cold using the outhouse this morning with a.m.temperatures a brisk 19 degrees. That we both agreed on. But now we are both snug and warm in our separate queensize beds watching tv.
I have been reading up on all my Bee school material which is fascinating. We have been talking about goats, bunnies, and of course everything CHICKENS. When we fall into a companionable silence I marvel at how fast the years go in childhood. My last little buddy to accompany me to shows. I have 3 show seasons left before child 7 leaves Neverland to go off to college.
I have no chickens of my own, at least not yet. But I am happy my youngest son still wants to share the fun with me.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Day One of DIY bathroom
Today began the first day of construction on the new bathroom floor. This is a job that should have been done a number of years ago, and has been procrastinated on extensively these last two
years. I am not going to complain about the procrastinator however. He had reasons which were more than reason able to him. Moreover he is the one doing all the manual labor.
But I had growing fears of one day going to sit on the toilet and then spectacularly crashing thru the floor, throne and all, to land on top of the washing machine. So I ordered a Bouse House, circled a date on the calendar, and then charged every non-in-school person living here a 100$ to get the ball rolling. That the dates of construction will coincide with Joe and I being at the Poultry Congress (out in Springfield in our own hotel room, paid for by his wonderful 4H group) is a happy coincidence
I assure you.
Don and I have selected tile flooring and the plan is to replace the wall tile with bead board and then paint the wall above. (Nikki gets to pick the paint color since she offered to paint.) The walls are a mess but that is not what concerned Donnie. The subflooring and the support beams are what had him in a procrastinating funk. That and any plumbing challenges which might occur.
But so far so good. Now that he has exposed what lies beneath he is feeling hopeful. Well, he is feeling sore and achy and hopeful. He was tickled by one discovery though. The wall behind the bathroom door has been patched numerous times, both by the original owners and us. There is that sweet spot mid wall where, if you shove the door open hard enough, you can hit the wall with the door knob and slowly poke a hole. Said hole must have been irresistible to small hands. Behind the wall Don found 4 toothbrushes and a tiny squirt gun. Say a prayer to the patron Saint of Construction. (would that be St Joseph The worker? He was a carpenter after all.) Offer a whispered prayer that further construction does not unveil expensive or time consuming complications.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
A coupla questions from a cold-slowed mind.
Still not feeling well. It is more than a cold but less than the flu. Or maybe its a milder version of the flu because I did get the shot back in November. Ah well, this too shall pass. I did take a nice walk out along the power lines when it was not quite misty and the sun was trying to beam through the cloud cover.
There was a lone swan silently floating in the blue/green pond that use to be a stump swamp. The swan looked so forlorn but as I watched its progress I could not help but ponder what the heck all those dump trucks, pumps, and earth movers are doing out there. It looks like they are draining the swamps and moving the water and removing dirt. But maybe they are moving the clay deposit? What about all the iron ore that stains the earth?
We are on top of a huge sand bar so once you dig more than six inches into our land all you get is sand. Go down about six feet and it is gorgeous beach sand. But over along the power lines about a mile from our house the earth changes and its a patchwork of sand and clay, ribboned with iron.
I have no idea what the workers are doing out there. I do know they are slowly stripping the area of loam, gravel, sand, etc. Its fascinating to see the changes of what was once woods and swamp. But it does peak my curiosity. What happened to all the wildlife? There used to be deer, turtles, frogs, coyotes, squirrels, raccoons, rabbits, fox, and all kinds of birds. I know there had been little fish in the water too but what is there now? I am not even sure who I would even ask about it.
New signs posted say no trespassing and they seem more insistent so I am not even sure how much longer we can walk and wander there. We have done so for over 20 years but it seems we shall have to find a new place to meander. I have no big point or poignant statement to pass on. No great words of wisdom. My head is full of the sludge and muck from my overactive sinus cavities. So I don't even have a blog ending. Maybe a question then, does anyone know how I can find out what they are dredging for? Why is the water blue green and devoid of life? What is the plan? that is all.
There was a lone swan silently floating in the blue/green pond that use to be a stump swamp. The swan looked so forlorn but as I watched its progress I could not help but ponder what the heck all those dump trucks, pumps, and earth movers are doing out there. It looks like they are draining the swamps and moving the water and removing dirt. But maybe they are moving the clay deposit? What about all the iron ore that stains the earth?
We are on top of a huge sand bar so once you dig more than six inches into our land all you get is sand. Go down about six feet and it is gorgeous beach sand. But over along the power lines about a mile from our house the earth changes and its a patchwork of sand and clay, ribboned with iron.
I have no idea what the workers are doing out there. I do know they are slowly stripping the area of loam, gravel, sand, etc. Its fascinating to see the changes of what was once woods and swamp. But it does peak my curiosity. What happened to all the wildlife? There used to be deer, turtles, frogs, coyotes, squirrels, raccoons, rabbits, fox, and all kinds of birds. I know there had been little fish in the water too but what is there now? I am not even sure who I would even ask about it.
New signs posted say no trespassing and they seem more insistent so I am not even sure how much longer we can walk and wander there. We have done so for over 20 years but it seems we shall have to find a new place to meander. I have no big point or poignant statement to pass on. No great words of wisdom. My head is full of the sludge and muck from my overactive sinus cavities. So I don't even have a blog ending. Maybe a question then, does anyone know how I can find out what they are dredging for? Why is the water blue green and devoid of life? What is the plan? that is all.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
January's study list.
I am online today devoting some hours to study and research. Of course top on the list is my math mtel studying. But never fear I promised not to flood you with complaints and dread over that one. I have decided to intermix that study with a few other things I have been musing about.
First in order is this year's garden design. I have been debating whether or not to pull up the corner raised bed which is closest to the road. It was suppose to be a lovely flower garden with 3 season color. But the rugosa roses have taken over with their spiky thorns and although it is still pretty, all the other bloom is slowly being pushed out.
The other thing I have been thinking about is some color or interest near around Yon's hot tub. We put it where I had my original little patio back when I was the only one involved in the garden. Since that time of course both Don and Tim have taken an interest, and we have two large patio spaces that we now use. As a matter of fact in the last few years that little original space has been where I tuck garden implements and the cold frames etc. Now however, someone is sitting there in the hot tub nearly every night and so it would be nice to plant some moon flowers for color and scent in the evening, that sort of thing.
Plus there is always the crop rotation to consider. What bed did I plant peas on last year? Where should the cucumbers go this year? What about adding another small raised bed near the pool? Should I make a little patio where the stairs are and add more than just the 2 tubs of lavender? It really only gets good sun from about 11-4. But perhaps broccoli would do well there, or different kinds of lettuce which always seem to like a bit of shade.....
The other third thing I am researching is preparing to take the science mtel since this could make me more marketable for full time teaching in the fall. The mtel would enable me to teach middle school science and THAT test is much easier and more fun to study for than math.
The fourth and final thing I am studying for of course is all things goat. I just rejoined the American Dairy Goat Association. I had let my membership lapse since it is a rather pricy club to belong to, at least in my mind. Plus they would not let me have my herd name be 3B's Farm. They decided I could be 3 Blauss farm. Apparently they decide what your herd name is based on past herd blabbidy blah. The herd name goes on every pedigree so I had no option really. They also would not let me choose my 3B tattoo which I use in every bunny ear and have for close to two decades. I have to use "BSA2". Again I have no option. Kinda bossy and stubborn for an organization don't you think? Just like a goat! Plus their 'guide' book and periodic magazine for members is written in teeny tiny print! I did protest that since bunny organizations who charge less to members have nice regular size books and periodicals that middle age members can read without a magnifying glass.
Since I am complaining I will tell you the other weird thing. You cannot access their full online services unless you send in by SNAIL mail a request for a special pin number. Who does that? Why can't I just email them and give them my ADGA member number or something?
Anyway, I am trying to get all my research done before our first farm birth's of our livestock. I am quite excited for the babies arrivals and to get back into milk production and cheese making. This has led me to side research on milk fed meat birds since with two goats in full udder we should have milk to spare.
I have so much to do as I get ready for my 50th birthday in April. I am thinking the next 20 years will be devoted to teaching and farming and of course travel. There are just not enough hours in the day to do and learn all the fascinating things in this world.
This might be the last full of good cheer blog since on Wednesday the outhouse comes and we start tearing the bathroom apart to replace decrepit floors and saggy miserable walls. Perhaps it will all go smooth with no hidden surprises. But that has never been my construction experience although certainly there is always a first time.
First in order is this year's garden design. I have been debating whether or not to pull up the corner raised bed which is closest to the road. It was suppose to be a lovely flower garden with 3 season color. But the rugosa roses have taken over with their spiky thorns and although it is still pretty, all the other bloom is slowly being pushed out.
The other thing I have been thinking about is some color or interest near around Yon's hot tub. We put it where I had my original little patio back when I was the only one involved in the garden. Since that time of course both Don and Tim have taken an interest, and we have two large patio spaces that we now use. As a matter of fact in the last few years that little original space has been where I tuck garden implements and the cold frames etc. Now however, someone is sitting there in the hot tub nearly every night and so it would be nice to plant some moon flowers for color and scent in the evening, that sort of thing.
Plus there is always the crop rotation to consider. What bed did I plant peas on last year? Where should the cucumbers go this year? What about adding another small raised bed near the pool? Should I make a little patio where the stairs are and add more than just the 2 tubs of lavender? It really only gets good sun from about 11-4. But perhaps broccoli would do well there, or different kinds of lettuce which always seem to like a bit of shade.....
The other third thing I am researching is preparing to take the science mtel since this could make me more marketable for full time teaching in the fall. The mtel would enable me to teach middle school science and THAT test is much easier and more fun to study for than math.
The fourth and final thing I am studying for of course is all things goat. I just rejoined the American Dairy Goat Association. I had let my membership lapse since it is a rather pricy club to belong to, at least in my mind. Plus they would not let me have my herd name be 3B's Farm. They decided I could be 3 Blauss farm. Apparently they decide what your herd name is based on past herd blabbidy blah. The herd name goes on every pedigree so I had no option really. They also would not let me choose my 3B tattoo which I use in every bunny ear and have for close to two decades. I have to use "BSA2". Again I have no option. Kinda bossy and stubborn for an organization don't you think? Just like a goat! Plus their 'guide' book and periodic magazine for members is written in teeny tiny print! I did protest that since bunny organizations who charge less to members have nice regular size books and periodicals that middle age members can read without a magnifying glass.
Since I am complaining I will tell you the other weird thing. You cannot access their full online services unless you send in by SNAIL mail a request for a special pin number. Who does that? Why can't I just email them and give them my ADGA member number or something?
Anyway, I am trying to get all my research done before our first farm birth's of our livestock. I am quite excited for the babies arrivals and to get back into milk production and cheese making. This has led me to side research on milk fed meat birds since with two goats in full udder we should have milk to spare.
I have so much to do as I get ready for my 50th birthday in April. I am thinking the next 20 years will be devoted to teaching and farming and of course travel. There are just not enough hours in the day to do and learn all the fascinating things in this world.
This might be the last full of good cheer blog since on Wednesday the outhouse comes and we start tearing the bathroom apart to replace decrepit floors and saggy miserable walls. Perhaps it will all go smooth with no hidden surprises. But that has never been my construction experience although certainly there is always a first time.
Saturday, January 05, 2013
2013 dreams
This semester I will not be taking any college courses. Instead I will be studying to take the MathMTEL again (OK I will not write anything negative or fearful, you already know my thoughts and feelings on that score!) As soon as that is passed I will then study and take the middle school science and history MTELS since I know I can pass and this will make me more marketable in the town I love. Although as you all know I really just want a sweet class of inclusion kindergarten kids who are right at the beginning of their educational careers still full of wonder and magic.....
I am also saving Tuesday mornings for my weight watchers since giving up is not an option :>) the thyroid issues (that's right ladies I have every fat girl's dream excuse, IT IS MY THYROID'S FAULT) seem to be improving.
Last year's resolution to get in my best health ever to go into my 50th year had a few bumps in the road but it is all smooth sailing now and I am eager for this year's adventures. One of my biggest secret plans is to try to work out a way to get to St Lucia for two weeks for my 30th wedding anniversary. This of course is not based on any sort of financial reality but dreaming big has never been a bad thing, right?
Meanwhile I have picked up two tutoring jobs, one in math and the other in literacy. I will apply to every full time position come spring and hopefully I shall be putting something back into my retirement funds come fall. As it stands now Don and I shall work until the day we die :>)
This is all good, and we have weathered this terrible Depression (that they still call it a recovering recession baffles me). It has been a bit of a struggle but all our bills are paid and we are still in our home which puts us way ahead of many of our neighbors. Every road in this town has an empty house, its just so sad. I have always been grateful that Don and I never did the whole refinance thing. I never could understand the 'get something for nothing' offers and although we might have been wiser to shave a few percentage points off our mortgage I could never sign something I did not understand.
I do plan on moving in the next few years to a place with more land to farm and our 2 lady goats should be adding to our future this spring with kids. I would love to talk to the board of health guy all about building a Grade A Dairy but since the actual creation of that is still a few years down the road I wonder if he would take the time to see me?
Plans and dreams- I always have plenty of those. It is still hard to get my mind around the no more little kids thing. Don is right and I do love the freedom to travel and to work with our animals both of which would be mostly put aside if we have more children. Still, I would drop it all for a new baby. I even got to hold one the other night at the school safety meeting and oh my arms and heart ached from want for hours afterwards. Helping children as an educator does fulfill some of that need but still.....
Meanwhile Mama is due in April and Matilda in June. If the summer St Lucia plans do not work out it would be the perfect time to get a little Beardie pup with herding in her genes. I am looking over garden expansion plans and day dreaming about milk fed meat hens and thinking about bunny chicken and goat shows. Lots of plans this time of year.
I am sure I will shortly writing and bemoaning our latest plan. Although winter is not the best time to fix the bathroom floor, I have begun to feel I may end up sitting on the washing machine below one day when I go to sit on the toilet. That floor and the walls need to be fixed so you shall have to tune in to adventures of the handy house in January!
I am also saving Tuesday mornings for my weight watchers since giving up is not an option :>) the thyroid issues (that's right ladies I have every fat girl's dream excuse, IT IS MY THYROID'S FAULT) seem to be improving.
Last year's resolution to get in my best health ever to go into my 50th year had a few bumps in the road but it is all smooth sailing now and I am eager for this year's adventures. One of my biggest secret plans is to try to work out a way to get to St Lucia for two weeks for my 30th wedding anniversary. This of course is not based on any sort of financial reality but dreaming big has never been a bad thing, right?
Meanwhile I have picked up two tutoring jobs, one in math and the other in literacy. I will apply to every full time position come spring and hopefully I shall be putting something back into my retirement funds come fall. As it stands now Don and I shall work until the day we die :>)
This is all good, and we have weathered this terrible Depression (that they still call it a recovering recession baffles me). It has been a bit of a struggle but all our bills are paid and we are still in our home which puts us way ahead of many of our neighbors. Every road in this town has an empty house, its just so sad. I have always been grateful that Don and I never did the whole refinance thing. I never could understand the 'get something for nothing' offers and although we might have been wiser to shave a few percentage points off our mortgage I could never sign something I did not understand.
I do plan on moving in the next few years to a place with more land to farm and our 2 lady goats should be adding to our future this spring with kids. I would love to talk to the board of health guy all about building a Grade A Dairy but since the actual creation of that is still a few years down the road I wonder if he would take the time to see me?
Plans and dreams- I always have plenty of those. It is still hard to get my mind around the no more little kids thing. Don is right and I do love the freedom to travel and to work with our animals both of which would be mostly put aside if we have more children. Still, I would drop it all for a new baby. I even got to hold one the other night at the school safety meeting and oh my arms and heart ached from want for hours afterwards. Helping children as an educator does fulfill some of that need but still.....
Meanwhile Mama is due in April and Matilda in June. If the summer St Lucia plans do not work out it would be the perfect time to get a little Beardie pup with herding in her genes. I am looking over garden expansion plans and day dreaming about milk fed meat hens and thinking about bunny chicken and goat shows. Lots of plans this time of year.
I am sure I will shortly writing and bemoaning our latest plan. Although winter is not the best time to fix the bathroom floor, I have begun to feel I may end up sitting on the washing machine below one day when I go to sit on the toilet. That floor and the walls need to be fixed so you shall have to tune in to adventures of the handy house in January!
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
New Year
I have a few weight watcher friends and we keep in touch via Facebook private messaging. Usually we talk about the weight watcher topic of the week, share our exercise plans, encourage healthy eating. Sometimes it gets more personal. Always it is supportive. I have not been to a meeting now in a couple of months but I have been trying to eat healthy and move. Here is a note I sent to my friends today. It is a reminder to myself about the struggles and triumphs. I am blogging it so that I will keep in mind the many successes and not get discouraged.
Happy New Year. Ladies this is the year we all reach goal. Next Tuesday marks 5 years at weight watchers for me. In those years I lost and regained about 65 pounds. But I am not going to think of Tuesday's weigh in as a failure or even a start over. During this time I have had two major surgeries and my thyroid went crazy. But I also ran road races, lowered blood pressure and blood sugars, swam all the way across a pond and adventured 3 times in the Caribbean. I have tried new food met wonderful ww friends and lived. Of course i wish this were easier for me. Of course I wish I was a size 8. But I have lived the five years healthier than the last 20 no matter what the scale says. I am not giving up and I am truly thankful for the encouragement and advice you have all bestowed. See you Tuesday
Happy New Year. Ladies this is the year we all reach goal. Next Tuesday marks 5 years at weight watchers for me. In those years I lost and regained about 65 pounds. But I am not going to think of Tuesday's weigh in as a failure or even a start over. During this time I have had two major surgeries and my thyroid went crazy. But I also ran road races, lowered blood pressure and blood sugars, swam all the way across a pond and adventured 3 times in the Caribbean. I have tried new food met wonderful ww friends and lived. Of course i wish this were easier for me. Of course I wish I was a size 8. But I have lived the five years healthier than the last 20 no matter what the scale says. I am not giving up and I am truly thankful for the encouragement and advice you have all bestowed. See you Tuesday
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