So with both Don and I on medication for Bronchitis, my surgery 8 days away, and a New Hampshire Camping trip set for take off on Thursday...... even the most clueless child around here has caught on that they need to help out.
Now our family has always been great in an emergency. Also on any given day any one child can be extremely helpful and generous. But maintaining not only civility but down right thoughtfulness during this long drawn out production heading into my surgery date has been a challenge to us all.
Throw in the illness that first caught Nikki, then washed over Donnie, until finally catching up with me....some expensive dental stuff for Tim.... Corey coming back home from college..... a new puppy who while delightful is also, well....a puppy- and you can see where people might get distracted.
Add to it all this hot weather and our small un air conditioned house and well quite frankly it is a wonder one of us hasn't ended up on the roof with a rifle!
I admit there has been a fair share of yelling, and enough eyeball rolling and muttered under breath curses to fill an entire middle school.
But you know it is all starting to come together. Somethings some of us have had to learn to just let go. (OK you know only I have had to learn to let stuff go, know one else really cares!)
Some times people have to fend for themselves. Sometimes (and this is where the eye- ball rolling and muttered curses come in) the answer is an unequivocal NO.
Apparently it has sunk in and things are starting to click. There is a kinder gentler teasing or ignoring. Some children have actually gotten their own packing done. Others have cooked meals that are edible. Others have learned to just shut up about it and repress it until they get their own place and therapist! That is OK by me. Whatever works!
As these thunderstorms roll through I remember last year's camping trip where we could only afford 5 days and we were not going to do any off campground activities that cost money. Then it proceeded to rain all 5 days. On the 4th day I did take them to the movies so they could at least sit in a dry place for a couple of hours.
When the kids talk about that vacation it is with good natured complaining and some admiration for the shear volume of water. (The river flooded half the camprground!) Now no one would ever want a repeat of that trip. Still they pulled it together when they needed to.
Luckily it looks as though the weather will be warm but not horrible humidity. We just need to get thru a few more days of no one else getting sick, fingers crossed that our antibiotics kick in, and then while I certainly don't expect smooth sailing it would not be too much to hope for, a pleasant camping trip, just the 9 of us......
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Expressions of love
The other night poor Donnie woke up choking and coughing. You know, that kind of cough that seems to trigger a cough- to the point you cannot catch your breath- Until your adrenaline really bursts in and you struggle from deep sleep to full wakefulness-That kind of cough that easily pulls a muscle.
It was not a complete surprise I suppose, when you consider that poor Nikki had the same thing that eventually reached deep enough into her lungs until the beginning crackly pneumonia sounds could be heard. She is fine after a course of antibiotics and plenty of rest thank heavens.
So when Don too started with the scratchy throat and annoying tickle day and night cough he teased her about her plot to try to kill him. We laughed but of course the big concern was that I not get it, and have to postpone the looming surgery.
Kissing on the mouth is out. Boo! We changed bed sheets and pillow cases and have been careful to keep computer keyboards clean and toothbrushes far apart.. The cold during the day is fairly mild except for the cough so life has been moving along.
The other night though when he woke up gasping for air and coughing I jumped up too, to help him. We were like some silly sitcom with me trying help him and him choking and trying to get me to lie back down.
But quite frankly I was thrilled to be focusing on someone else instead of me! He would not let me get him the vaporizer but he did agree to setting it up, all the while apologising for disturbing my rest.
But the only way to reach an electric outlet with the vaporizer is by my side of the bed. I went upstairs to get him medicine and water and fussed about him as he shifted our stuff around. He kept apologising for making me switch bedsides as if that would somehow disturb the fragile balance we seemed to have achieved between my herniated discs, pain, and, increased bed rest.
I just felt sooooooooooo happy to be of help to someone. The frustration of not being able to do business as usual around here has certainly been a trial. Needing kids to help me reach high things, open jars, carry stuff, even walk the dogs is driving me crazy. Being lazy for a day is a treat. Forced idleness however is NOT.
So switching bedsides, fussing over Donnie, is almost a relief it feels so good. This is now our 3rd night in a row of his drifting off to sleep only to be awakened forcefully by that nagging choking cough however, poor guy.
Last night at around three a.m. I got him to agree to call the doctor. Now you know enough about men to realise he of course did not bother to call today! So tonight as we were getting ready for bed, propping him up with extra pillows as he coughed, I scolded him about ignoring the doctor phone call agreement.
He swears tomorrow he will. I tuck him in and automatically lean over to kiss him, remember the germ thing, and then we both laugh and hug instead.
He is asleep beside me now as I type this, but he continues to cough and I of course will insist he call first thing when we get up and you just know I will have to threaten him that I will make the call myself if he does not. That will feel good to both of us I think.
I like fussing over my people, being all bossy and concerned, and although they would never admit it, I think they like it too!
It was not a complete surprise I suppose, when you consider that poor Nikki had the same thing that eventually reached deep enough into her lungs until the beginning crackly pneumonia sounds could be heard. She is fine after a course of antibiotics and plenty of rest thank heavens.
So when Don too started with the scratchy throat and annoying tickle day and night cough he teased her about her plot to try to kill him. We laughed but of course the big concern was that I not get it, and have to postpone the looming surgery.
Kissing on the mouth is out. Boo! We changed bed sheets and pillow cases and have been careful to keep computer keyboards clean and toothbrushes far apart.. The cold during the day is fairly mild except for the cough so life has been moving along.
The other night though when he woke up gasping for air and coughing I jumped up too, to help him. We were like some silly sitcom with me trying help him and him choking and trying to get me to lie back down.
But quite frankly I was thrilled to be focusing on someone else instead of me! He would not let me get him the vaporizer but he did agree to setting it up, all the while apologising for disturbing my rest.
But the only way to reach an electric outlet with the vaporizer is by my side of the bed. I went upstairs to get him medicine and water and fussed about him as he shifted our stuff around. He kept apologising for making me switch bedsides as if that would somehow disturb the fragile balance we seemed to have achieved between my herniated discs, pain, and, increased bed rest.
I just felt sooooooooooo happy to be of help to someone. The frustration of not being able to do business as usual around here has certainly been a trial. Needing kids to help me reach high things, open jars, carry stuff, even walk the dogs is driving me crazy. Being lazy for a day is a treat. Forced idleness however is NOT.
So switching bedsides, fussing over Donnie, is almost a relief it feels so good. This is now our 3rd night in a row of his drifting off to sleep only to be awakened forcefully by that nagging choking cough however, poor guy.
Last night at around three a.m. I got him to agree to call the doctor. Now you know enough about men to realise he of course did not bother to call today! So tonight as we were getting ready for bed, propping him up with extra pillows as he coughed, I scolded him about ignoring the doctor phone call agreement.
He swears tomorrow he will. I tuck him in and automatically lean over to kiss him, remember the germ thing, and then we both laugh and hug instead.
He is asleep beside me now as I type this, but he continues to cough and I of course will insist he call first thing when we get up and you just know I will have to threaten him that I will make the call myself if he does not. That will feel good to both of us I think.
I like fussing over my people, being all bossy and concerned, and although they would never admit it, I think they like it too!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The Party That Wasn't
For the past 2 months I had been happily planning our annual youth ministers' garden party. This party has commenced in our garden oh for the last 8 years or so. When we had our first party only a few of the youth ministers even had children. Most saw one another monthly at youth minister meetings and every winter we ran a high school retreat weekend.
But of course time marches on. Some married, had children. Others left youth ministry for the most part or all together. Archdiocesan retreats at least for now are a thing of the past.
A year or more can go by before we all see one another. We try to get together for New Years Eve and there is always a gathering for the 'August'birthday folk although it is often held in September. Then there is the Friends Thanksgiving where each friend bring part of the Thanksgiving meal. One friend even has a family place in Warham that we have held a few retreat like gatherings.
But it gets more and more difficult to squeeze in a much wanted get together when there are so many have to events in all our lives.
As you can imagine I was giddy with excitement at the thought that at least a dozen of us would actually be gathering. I went over the menu incorporating every one's diety stuff, some on weight watchers, some on low carb, some happily willing to eat anything.
I plotted seating strategies. I made sure the screen house would be up but off to the side as one of the families has a baby. I made sure house garden and yard were kid friendly in case babysitters backed out.
I was so happy because one of the bright spots in my own children getting older, it is much easier to keep the house looking neat. I made sure airconditioners kept the living room cool in case someone needed to watch a game or check on something online. I really hoped some one would want to because the new carpet is STILL looking like new and it has been installed 2 whole months by now.
I had decided on a tropical theme and plates, napkins, cups and decorations all matched. I carefully plotted which Tupperware would hold what, thrilled that my bowls and things would all blend for the perfect party.
Perfect of course not because the guests expect such things. On the contrary these are dream house guests. They could show up seeing us at our worst, order some pizza, and everyone would be happy. These are the kind of people who accept you for who you really are, messy kitchen and all. The kind of people that you want to go all out for because they deserve it.
We all live very very different lives. We are all different ages. Some married, some single, some parents, some not. Our interests lie in many different directions.One of us just came back from Detective Homicide School, another is in graduate school, still another just finished taking teens to Honduras on a mission. Some own their own home, some are perpetual renters.
What most of us have in common is now in the past. Still the pleasure of each others company makes all the prep-work not work at all but a labor of love.
So, you wonder, what happened? Well I am not fully certain. I had spent the morning lovingly laying out the matching table cloths, joyfully putting the food in the Tupperware, cooking cleaning joking with the kids. I carefully refrained from doing too much. Not just because I promised Donnie that I would (he was off bringing poor Corey to the doctors for a follow up to a rather uncomfortable procedure!) I was also being very careful because I did not want to be on medication when my friends came. I worked slowly and carefully to keep the numbness and pain at a minimum.
I had spent the previous evening having an uncomfortable follow up MRI that was ordered after the neurosurgeon found out that the numbness was now spreading to my left side.
Just before everything fell apart I had methodically carried 2 nestboxes out to the garden bunnies, both of whom are due this week. I even carried the boxes one at a time so as not to stress weakened arm muscles.
As I did so however I noticed the numbness and tingling which had begun to go up the back of my head was annoyingly worse and I thought I felt a little dizzy, just a bit. Mentioning it to Nikki we both sat down in the garden and sipped some water. But as Don pulled into the driveway I realised something was going on inside and it was not good. Stroke? Vertigo?
Don took one look at my face and helped me stagger to my feet. "Vertigo" I muttered." I need the bed then my feet washed then call the doctor to see if it is related to the discs."
Having been married all these years he knew the feet reference was an old joke about needing to be rushed to the hospital....sort of the clean underwear in case of a car crash joke.
I made it to the landing in the house when the nausea hit. I tried to push Don who was in front of me case I fell. I tried heroically to push him out of the way as my stomach contents were about to make their very messy appearance. He, thinking I was falling heroically leaned back into me and.... well...it wasn't pretty.
Such is often the real life of a long time married couple. He got me to bed, washed my feet and called the doctor. I have no idea what happened in the next 6 hours or so. He somehow got Dramamine in me although on the first try it came right back up along with.....well you do not even want to imagine.
He called off the party. Corey and Julie ended up having a few friends over and they enjoyed themselves and all the food. At one point I tried to get Don to go to Abington where at least a few of the guests had decided to gather. But he would not budge.
A few times I know he curled up next to me on the bed. I moaned when the bed moved but do not recall speaking to him. Later that night when the world stopped spinning he spoke of his helplessness. He couldn't think of anything to help but he thought maybe if I could lean against him, maybe it would help.
I cried at my canceled garden party. I really cried when I knew I could not sneak out to get him a Fathers day present.
Today we spent quietly at the pond. 2 of Don's sisters, one of his brothers, and his mom came by. They were VERY impressed with the matching table clothes and fruit kabobs. Mary and Matt got Donnie slippers and bathrobes, very Father Knows Best. Julie is taking him out for ice cream. No one but me noticed the wonderful Tupperware!
All my friends checked in with Donnie on Facebook for updates and I really should get on there to and let them no I am mostly ok. Well not ok really, right? Not until the surgery is done and over with and I can have my little life back.
I have very good friends, very nice friends who have busy lives. Some of my friends from childhood have been wlecomed by my youth minister friends. One of the friends coming is actually a friend of a youth inister who adopted a Downes child and so we are friends by proxy. The internet is a wonderful thing.
But Iam so sorry Icould not entertain my friends. I so looked forward to hostessing them, listening to their stories, sharing a few of my own. One magic night out in the garden and starlight where like Cinderella I would not have to think of my real life, ongoing pain and upcoming surgery. Ah well.....there is always next year and now I have the chance to think of a new theme. I guess. Still I was really really really looking forward to last night...
But of course time marches on. Some married, had children. Others left youth ministry for the most part or all together. Archdiocesan retreats at least for now are a thing of the past.
A year or more can go by before we all see one another. We try to get together for New Years Eve and there is always a gathering for the 'August'birthday folk although it is often held in September. Then there is the Friends Thanksgiving where each friend bring part of the Thanksgiving meal. One friend even has a family place in Warham that we have held a few retreat like gatherings.
But it gets more and more difficult to squeeze in a much wanted get together when there are so many have to events in all our lives.
As you can imagine I was giddy with excitement at the thought that at least a dozen of us would actually be gathering. I went over the menu incorporating every one's diety stuff, some on weight watchers, some on low carb, some happily willing to eat anything.
I plotted seating strategies. I made sure the screen house would be up but off to the side as one of the families has a baby. I made sure house garden and yard were kid friendly in case babysitters backed out.
I was so happy because one of the bright spots in my own children getting older, it is much easier to keep the house looking neat. I made sure airconditioners kept the living room cool in case someone needed to watch a game or check on something online. I really hoped some one would want to because the new carpet is STILL looking like new and it has been installed 2 whole months by now.
I had decided on a tropical theme and plates, napkins, cups and decorations all matched. I carefully plotted which Tupperware would hold what, thrilled that my bowls and things would all blend for the perfect party.
Perfect of course not because the guests expect such things. On the contrary these are dream house guests. They could show up seeing us at our worst, order some pizza, and everyone would be happy. These are the kind of people who accept you for who you really are, messy kitchen and all. The kind of people that you want to go all out for because they deserve it.
We all live very very different lives. We are all different ages. Some married, some single, some parents, some not. Our interests lie in many different directions.One of us just came back from Detective Homicide School, another is in graduate school, still another just finished taking teens to Honduras on a mission. Some own their own home, some are perpetual renters.
What most of us have in common is now in the past. Still the pleasure of each others company makes all the prep-work not work at all but a labor of love.
So, you wonder, what happened? Well I am not fully certain. I had spent the morning lovingly laying out the matching table cloths, joyfully putting the food in the Tupperware, cooking cleaning joking with the kids. I carefully refrained from doing too much. Not just because I promised Donnie that I would (he was off bringing poor Corey to the doctors for a follow up to a rather uncomfortable procedure!) I was also being very careful because I did not want to be on medication when my friends came. I worked slowly and carefully to keep the numbness and pain at a minimum.
I had spent the previous evening having an uncomfortable follow up MRI that was ordered after the neurosurgeon found out that the numbness was now spreading to my left side.
Just before everything fell apart I had methodically carried 2 nestboxes out to the garden bunnies, both of whom are due this week. I even carried the boxes one at a time so as not to stress weakened arm muscles.
As I did so however I noticed the numbness and tingling which had begun to go up the back of my head was annoyingly worse and I thought I felt a little dizzy, just a bit. Mentioning it to Nikki we both sat down in the garden and sipped some water. But as Don pulled into the driveway I realised something was going on inside and it was not good. Stroke? Vertigo?
Don took one look at my face and helped me stagger to my feet. "Vertigo" I muttered." I need the bed then my feet washed then call the doctor to see if it is related to the discs."
Having been married all these years he knew the feet reference was an old joke about needing to be rushed to the hospital....sort of the clean underwear in case of a car crash joke.
I made it to the landing in the house when the nausea hit. I tried to push Don who was in front of me case I fell. I tried heroically to push him out of the way as my stomach contents were about to make their very messy appearance. He, thinking I was falling heroically leaned back into me and.... well...it wasn't pretty.
Such is often the real life of a long time married couple. He got me to bed, washed my feet and called the doctor. I have no idea what happened in the next 6 hours or so. He somehow got Dramamine in me although on the first try it came right back up along with.....well you do not even want to imagine.
He called off the party. Corey and Julie ended up having a few friends over and they enjoyed themselves and all the food. At one point I tried to get Don to go to Abington where at least a few of the guests had decided to gather. But he would not budge.
A few times I know he curled up next to me on the bed. I moaned when the bed moved but do not recall speaking to him. Later that night when the world stopped spinning he spoke of his helplessness. He couldn't think of anything to help but he thought maybe if I could lean against him, maybe it would help.
I cried at my canceled garden party. I really cried when I knew I could not sneak out to get him a Fathers day present.
Today we spent quietly at the pond. 2 of Don's sisters, one of his brothers, and his mom came by. They were VERY impressed with the matching table clothes and fruit kabobs. Mary and Matt got Donnie slippers and bathrobes, very Father Knows Best. Julie is taking him out for ice cream. No one but me noticed the wonderful Tupperware!
All my friends checked in with Donnie on Facebook for updates and I really should get on there to and let them no I am mostly ok. Well not ok really, right? Not until the surgery is done and over with and I can have my little life back.
I have very good friends, very nice friends who have busy lives. Some of my friends from childhood have been wlecomed by my youth minister friends. One of the friends coming is actually a friend of a youth inister who adopted a Downes child and so we are friends by proxy. The internet is a wonderful thing.
But Iam so sorry Icould not entertain my friends. I so looked forward to hostessing them, listening to their stories, sharing a few of my own. One magic night out in the garden and starlight where like Cinderella I would not have to think of my real life, ongoing pain and upcoming surgery. Ah well.....there is always next year and now I have the chance to think of a new theme. I guess. Still I was really really really looking forward to last night...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The last days of school
Today in kindergarten we were lucky enough to watch the dress rehearsal of Under the Sea a musical performance put on by 2 other kindergarten classes. When our class first arrived and took their seats they marveled at the scenery. "Oh'" commented Jake in awe, "It is a real play they are doing."
The play began with all the pint size actors in homemade sea costumes. One, a little autistic boy, particularly stole my heart. I have subbed as his aide before and I know him to be nearly mute. But there he was in costume with his other classmates. True he nibbled on his star fish costume, but he was not the only one. Another child who is blind bravely took the arm of her classmate while both sang just a bit off key, wearing fish costumes, and smiling all the while.
Some of the kids had lines, others were required to sing mini solos, and everyone had to represent a sea creature.
My little ones were spellbound. Well one did doze off but he didn't actually snore too loudly. 3 of my more inattentive ones spent more time staring at the Teacher/Director in the back of the gym-auditorium than they did watching the performance. As I continually signaled them to face front the thought ran thru my mind....if only they paid their own teacher this much attention they would be the smartest kids in the class!
The school year is winding down and both students and teachers are eager for summer break. But I am going to miss those little rug rats, their hugs and smiles, their curiosity and their enthusiasm. Most of all I will miss the look on their face when they realize their own talents, when THEY CAN READ the page, or figure out the math answer. 5 and 6 year olds are amazing human beings!
The play began with all the pint size actors in homemade sea costumes. One, a little autistic boy, particularly stole my heart. I have subbed as his aide before and I know him to be nearly mute. But there he was in costume with his other classmates. True he nibbled on his star fish costume, but he was not the only one. Another child who is blind bravely took the arm of her classmate while both sang just a bit off key, wearing fish costumes, and smiling all the while.
Some of the kids had lines, others were required to sing mini solos, and everyone had to represent a sea creature.
My little ones were spellbound. Well one did doze off but he didn't actually snore too loudly. 3 of my more inattentive ones spent more time staring at the Teacher/Director in the back of the gym-auditorium than they did watching the performance. As I continually signaled them to face front the thought ran thru my mind....if only they paid their own teacher this much attention they would be the smartest kids in the class!
The school year is winding down and both students and teachers are eager for summer break. But I am going to miss those little rug rats, their hugs and smiles, their curiosity and their enthusiasm. Most of all I will miss the look on their face when they realize their own talents, when THEY CAN READ the page, or figure out the math answer. 5 and 6 year olds are amazing human beings!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Flag Day
Naturally one of the best parts of working IN Kindergarten is all the fabulous holidays you get to celebrate. Today was no exception, being of course FLAG DAY. Does any grown up not in school ever even give it a thought?
Well if you are between the ages of 5 and 10 you sure as heck do. We have been practicing songs for weeks. We have colored in flags, counted 50 stars, and made every red white and blue decoration possible. Big kids sported crayoned tricorn hats. We in kindergarten had a paper hat made with a flag AND four stars, 2 red 1 white and 1 blue. (I have no idea why 2 red.) Some first graders had mini American flags and we in kindergarten did NOT think that was fair. (Of course one us was reminded that it is not caring to call a flag holder a 'poopyhead' just because they had a cool flag and we did not.)
We marched out to the circle driveway and stood below our flag. Mr Barakat ( an Americanized gentleman from Egypt, sporting a flag tie!) played his guitar and led us in the songs we had prepared. Some parents and little siblings and a few grand parents joined while we sang every single red white and blue song.
We hit them all! Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, This Land is Your Land (every blessed verse!) We belted out Yankee Doodle, even the lyric with General Washington in it.
The sun burst thru the clouds when we America The Beautiful-ed. The second graders got to sing a special song thanking our men and women soldiers and there was more than one adult furtively wiping away a tear.
Boy you can get good and mad at your country, government, and selfish big business. But standing in the rain soaked greeny green grass, looking at little kids- hands over their hearts- singing to their flag and country, one cannot help but be filled with hope.
We might have big problems, but when a 6 year old looks up to the flag, while holding his little tricorn patriotic crayoned hat and sings with exuberance and joy you just know , deep in your heart know, that we live in a great country and things will work out.
Granted I did end the day under the table after one of my little ones had a melt down because his paretns never made it to our flag day celebration. I did see stars again however when I bumped my head backing out from said low table.
Kindergarten is awesome but sometimes a painful experience.
Well if you are between the ages of 5 and 10 you sure as heck do. We have been practicing songs for weeks. We have colored in flags, counted 50 stars, and made every red white and blue decoration possible. Big kids sported crayoned tricorn hats. We in kindergarten had a paper hat made with a flag AND four stars, 2 red 1 white and 1 blue. (I have no idea why 2 red.) Some first graders had mini American flags and we in kindergarten did NOT think that was fair. (Of course one us was reminded that it is not caring to call a flag holder a 'poopyhead' just because they had a cool flag and we did not.)
We marched out to the circle driveway and stood below our flag. Mr Barakat ( an Americanized gentleman from Egypt, sporting a flag tie!) played his guitar and led us in the songs we had prepared. Some parents and little siblings and a few grand parents joined while we sang every single red white and blue song.
We hit them all! Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, This Land is Your Land (every blessed verse!) We belted out Yankee Doodle, even the lyric with General Washington in it.
The sun burst thru the clouds when we America The Beautiful-ed. The second graders got to sing a special song thanking our men and women soldiers and there was more than one adult furtively wiping away a tear.
Boy you can get good and mad at your country, government, and selfish big business. But standing in the rain soaked greeny green grass, looking at little kids- hands over their hearts- singing to their flag and country, one cannot help but be filled with hope.
We might have big problems, but when a 6 year old looks up to the flag, while holding his little tricorn patriotic crayoned hat and sings with exuberance and joy you just know , deep in your heart know, that we live in a great country and things will work out.
Granted I did end the day under the table after one of my little ones had a melt down because his paretns never made it to our flag day celebration. I did see stars again however when I bumped my head backing out from said low table.
Kindergarten is awesome but sometimes a painful experience.
Margie's Girls
We have had the pleasure of a visit from three little blondes from Ohio. They brought along their Mom (my sister) and dad of course as well as their odd little dog Jack. If you recall from the blog a few years ago the girls came out for Mary and Matt's wedding and we also entertained them for a few weeks after their house was flooded and FEMA said it was not safe for kids.
It has been such a delight to have them here although it always makes me a little sad and selfishly angry that they live so far away. Their physical resemblence to my 2 birth daughters and their sunny sparkling personalities so like my own kids really says a lot for nature over nurture, I tell you what!
Nothing we have done has been spectacularly exciting. The usual campfires at Kiwanee or in the garden, the typical large family gatherings for meals, and the endless talk of Jonas brothers, good books to read, video games to play,and musical instruments to strum, blow, strike, or pound have been small things really. But with three extra girls to contribute each moment has been a treasure.
Allie keeps asking us to say Carver (CAAAHHHVAAA) and the number 40 (She says WE say foooohhhhddddie!) Maggie has me read and discuss the 5 People You Meet In Heaven. She also rolls her eyes at her mother, bickers with her sisters, and in general knows more than everyone.....exactly like every child of mine at that age:>) (She is 14 but I bet you could have guessed her age.)
Chrissy still has her baby softness and she is shorter than Joe! She is always in someones lap. She has Julies hair face dimples and smile. But I have photos of her and Jamie together and even they look related probably because their gentleness shines thru. (Do NOT tell Jamie that. No 17 year old boy wants to hear that he looks gentle, still the camera does not lie.)
Donnie's favorite part was Saturday night when we took them from Kiwanee to our house to sleep over. We wanted Marge and her Don to have a little alone time together. The entire ride home was pure pleasure as 6 kids sang and joked and chatted together merrily.
They leave tomorrow morning and who knows when they will be back. But it sure has been fun seeing them.
It has been such a delight to have them here although it always makes me a little sad and selfishly angry that they live so far away. Their physical resemblence to my 2 birth daughters and their sunny sparkling personalities so like my own kids really says a lot for nature over nurture, I tell you what!
Nothing we have done has been spectacularly exciting. The usual campfires at Kiwanee or in the garden, the typical large family gatherings for meals, and the endless talk of Jonas brothers, good books to read, video games to play,and musical instruments to strum, blow, strike, or pound have been small things really. But with three extra girls to contribute each moment has been a treasure.
Allie keeps asking us to say Carver (CAAAHHHVAAA) and the number 40 (She says WE say foooohhhhddddie!) Maggie has me read and discuss the 5 People You Meet In Heaven. She also rolls her eyes at her mother, bickers with her sisters, and in general knows more than everyone.....exactly like every child of mine at that age:>) (She is 14 but I bet you could have guessed her age.)
Chrissy still has her baby softness and she is shorter than Joe! She is always in someones lap. She has Julies hair face dimples and smile. But I have photos of her and Jamie together and even they look related probably because their gentleness shines thru. (Do NOT tell Jamie that. No 17 year old boy wants to hear that he looks gentle, still the camera does not lie.)
Donnie's favorite part was Saturday night when we took them from Kiwanee to our house to sleep over. We wanted Marge and her Don to have a little alone time together. The entire ride home was pure pleasure as 6 kids sang and joked and chatted together merrily.
They leave tomorrow morning and who knows when they will be back. But it sure has been fun seeing them.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
My little Chrissy
Ok so she is really Margie's little Chrissy. But she looks just like my Julie at that age. sweet little thing makes me ache for another baby!!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Sites to check out
Like many people I use the Internet like it is one big encyclopedia. No query is too small to Google. As part of my prep for the big S on July 6 I have come across a multiude of conflicting information, some of it down right dangerous! But I have also come across some gems such as
http://acdf.georgeflanagin.com This is the kind of site that gives common sense practical advice witha touch of humor!
http://acdf.georgeflanagin.com This is the kind of site that gives common sense practical advice witha touch of humor!
On we go
It has been a busy week. The bunnies came for a visit to kindergarten and my sister and her family came for a visit from Ohio.
On the health front: I have met and worked with my physical therapist and I had the EMG test to verify that I did indeed have nerve damage and muscle weakness as the result of the herniated discs and not due to some sort of muscle wasting disease.
I did find out that apparently my spinal column is somewhat asymmetric in that the holes in the spine that the nerve roots come out of, to travel to various parts of my body, are smaller on the right side of the body than on the left. Imagine that? Now if the spine and discs and all around them were healthy this is not something we would ever know about it. I wonder if this is what make a lefty a lefty and a righty a righty? Who knows.
Anyway those holes (there is of course a very Latin sounding big name for the aperture, but hole is something my mind can wrap around!) are a bit smaller. Add to that, the arthritis around them making the holes a little smaller still, then when the disc ruptured the debris from the disc also crowded in that too small hole, therefore all the pain in numbness on that side- the poor pinched nerve really did get pinched!
Finding this out offered some relief to me even though it does not really change anything. But one of my worries was how could this happen- this dramatic terrible thing- due to a simple move while gardening. It makes much more sense to view it as the final straw on a spine already burdened with too small holes, arthritis, and discs degenerating with age.
I am glad to be working with the PT right now although her goal pre surgery is to calm and quiet things down in the area not bulk up like I mistakenly assumed. She is hopeful that there will be no permanent damage and that rebuilding strength will be a sure thing after surgery. But it is nice to be seeing someone twice a week who has all the info and can answer simple questions for me. Plus the PT office is in the same building as Planet Fitness. The PTs even use the gym equipment with their clients. So after I recover from the surgery I will be able to work with someone who knows my challenges and body and can really show me how to utilize the equipment to help my body heal and strengthen. Cool huh!
Meanwhile every day is a test of patience and endurance as we try to figure out how to navigate the day with minimal pain. There is the constant numbness and tingling, but traction (from the PT and Don's sister Deb) yoga, walking, and relaxation combined with some meds for pain and tricky lay- down -minimal -sit -day -planning all help to get us all through this. Not easy of course and there are setbacks and disappointments. But onward we go.
This weekend should be fun with Corey home for part of it and visiting at Kiwanee with Marge, her Don, the girls, and their dog Jack. I try to let go of all the things I cannot do, or miss out on, and try instead to focus on the good.
I am off to walk while there is still sunshine... If anyone wants to come over and give me a free massage or Reiki or laying on of hands, just stop on by. I can offer you fresh strawberries from the garden!
On the health front: I have met and worked with my physical therapist and I had the EMG test to verify that I did indeed have nerve damage and muscle weakness as the result of the herniated discs and not due to some sort of muscle wasting disease.
I did find out that apparently my spinal column is somewhat asymmetric in that the holes in the spine that the nerve roots come out of, to travel to various parts of my body, are smaller on the right side of the body than on the left. Imagine that? Now if the spine and discs and all around them were healthy this is not something we would ever know about it. I wonder if this is what make a lefty a lefty and a righty a righty? Who knows.
Anyway those holes (there is of course a very Latin sounding big name for the aperture, but hole is something my mind can wrap around!) are a bit smaller. Add to that, the arthritis around them making the holes a little smaller still, then when the disc ruptured the debris from the disc also crowded in that too small hole, therefore all the pain in numbness on that side- the poor pinched nerve really did get pinched!
Finding this out offered some relief to me even though it does not really change anything. But one of my worries was how could this happen- this dramatic terrible thing- due to a simple move while gardening. It makes much more sense to view it as the final straw on a spine already burdened with too small holes, arthritis, and discs degenerating with age.
I am glad to be working with the PT right now although her goal pre surgery is to calm and quiet things down in the area not bulk up like I mistakenly assumed. She is hopeful that there will be no permanent damage and that rebuilding strength will be a sure thing after surgery. But it is nice to be seeing someone twice a week who has all the info and can answer simple questions for me. Plus the PT office is in the same building as Planet Fitness. The PTs even use the gym equipment with their clients. So after I recover from the surgery I will be able to work with someone who knows my challenges and body and can really show me how to utilize the equipment to help my body heal and strengthen. Cool huh!
Meanwhile every day is a test of patience and endurance as we try to figure out how to navigate the day with minimal pain. There is the constant numbness and tingling, but traction (from the PT and Don's sister Deb) yoga, walking, and relaxation combined with some meds for pain and tricky lay- down -minimal -sit -day -planning all help to get us all through this. Not easy of course and there are setbacks and disappointments. But onward we go.
This weekend should be fun with Corey home for part of it and visiting at Kiwanee with Marge, her Don, the girls, and their dog Jack. I try to let go of all the things I cannot do, or miss out on, and try instead to focus on the good.
I am off to walk while there is still sunshine... If anyone wants to come over and give me a free massage or Reiki or laying on of hands, just stop on by. I can offer you fresh strawberries from the garden!
Monday, June 07, 2010
The Good Day
Today I had a day off from work and Tim, Julie, Don and I were going to plan a little hiking adventure. But then we had to change things up a bit when we realised today was also my first day of physical therapy.
This meant we had to find a very close place so we could exercise but still be home for Tim to get to work on time. Not really a big problem when you are only 25 minutes or so from Plymouth beach.
The PT went very well. The 50$ co-pay is a burden but they have a payment plan so there is no point sweating over that. The therapist was very knowledgeable and she did some nice 'traction' on my neck. (I lie down and she gently but wonderfully pulls my head, while supporting my neck thus elongating my spine and reducing some of the compression. It is a glorious feeling and if I ever win the Megabucks I will pay to have someone do it daily).
When I finished the PT consult the guys were out in the van waiting for me, picnic packed and everything! We quickly drove to Long Beach and began to walk out on the beach itself as it was low tide. The weather was very warm and there were lots of young families sunning themselves and playing along the water's edge.
I found Julie two intact sand dollars and there were some cool giant quahog shells as well. A pleasant walk on a lovely day but I was disappointed in myself as I kept mulling over various issues surrounding the endless pain and upcoming surgery. I was kicking myself that I could not just let it go and feel all high and giddy like I normally do when wandering the beach.
After our picnic we dropped Tim off at the house and then snuck out to the Frosty Dog to get a small ice cream. The icecreamstore is brand new and the owner chatted away with us, all full of enthusiasm and plans. I even acquitted myself well on the Ms PacMan game they have there.
After coming home I went out to the garden to pick lettuce and strawberries for our salad at dinner. Once out there I discovered the first of the snap peas were ready to harvest. Then to my horror I found a mysterious black beetle with yellow stripes eating all the green leaves on my potato plant that sprung up like a nice surprise from where its mother plant had grown last year.
I adore when some plant resews itself. This year four rogue tomato plants have sprouted, 3 in the new lily bed and one in the new pea bed. We also have a few sunflowers and radishes growing where they are not suppose to and to my delight the aforementioned potato growing in this year's pumpkin patch!
I vigorously defended the virtue of my poor beleaguered potato plant and found myself just relaxing and feeling peaceful in the garden. In reflecting on my stress while out walking the beach earlier, I realised that what the heck sometimes the pain and surgery stuff is going to intrude. Also how lucky was I that during that time of deep thought about my body, the PT, the complications and expectations, I at least had the chance to mull it all over while walking on a warm sunny day by the beach.
Now here I was in the garden picking my own food for dinner. I did however manage to get stung by a be when both of us reached for the same strawberry at the same time! Ce la vie!
After dinner and dropping off Joe at youth group, dropping off Julie at her friends, picking up Jamie from work and driving him to youth group I popped a muscle relaxer and pain pill (let me tell you there is no way to spend 45 minutes driving around town without REALLY REALLY REALLY compressing those injured discs.)
Since I am not comfortable going anywhere once I take the medicine (at least on my own) I ended the day outside by walking the new pup around the yard and up and down the garden paths. The puppy is bringing everyone joy and she really is the sweetest thing. Today was a good day
This meant we had to find a very close place so we could exercise but still be home for Tim to get to work on time. Not really a big problem when you are only 25 minutes or so from Plymouth beach.
The PT went very well. The 50$ co-pay is a burden but they have a payment plan so there is no point sweating over that. The therapist was very knowledgeable and she did some nice 'traction' on my neck. (I lie down and she gently but wonderfully pulls my head, while supporting my neck thus elongating my spine and reducing some of the compression. It is a glorious feeling and if I ever win the Megabucks I will pay to have someone do it daily).
When I finished the PT consult the guys were out in the van waiting for me, picnic packed and everything! We quickly drove to Long Beach and began to walk out on the beach itself as it was low tide. The weather was very warm and there were lots of young families sunning themselves and playing along the water's edge.
I found Julie two intact sand dollars and there were some cool giant quahog shells as well. A pleasant walk on a lovely day but I was disappointed in myself as I kept mulling over various issues surrounding the endless pain and upcoming surgery. I was kicking myself that I could not just let it go and feel all high and giddy like I normally do when wandering the beach.
After our picnic we dropped Tim off at the house and then snuck out to the Frosty Dog to get a small ice cream. The icecreamstore is brand new and the owner chatted away with us, all full of enthusiasm and plans. I even acquitted myself well on the Ms PacMan game they have there.
After coming home I went out to the garden to pick lettuce and strawberries for our salad at dinner. Once out there I discovered the first of the snap peas were ready to harvest. Then to my horror I found a mysterious black beetle with yellow stripes eating all the green leaves on my potato plant that sprung up like a nice surprise from where its mother plant had grown last year.
I adore when some plant resews itself. This year four rogue tomato plants have sprouted, 3 in the new lily bed and one in the new pea bed. We also have a few sunflowers and radishes growing where they are not suppose to and to my delight the aforementioned potato growing in this year's pumpkin patch!
I vigorously defended the virtue of my poor beleaguered potato plant and found myself just relaxing and feeling peaceful in the garden. In reflecting on my stress while out walking the beach earlier, I realised that what the heck sometimes the pain and surgery stuff is going to intrude. Also how lucky was I that during that time of deep thought about my body, the PT, the complications and expectations, I at least had the chance to mull it all over while walking on a warm sunny day by the beach.
Now here I was in the garden picking my own food for dinner. I did however manage to get stung by a be when both of us reached for the same strawberry at the same time! Ce la vie!
After dinner and dropping off Joe at youth group, dropping off Julie at her friends, picking up Jamie from work and driving him to youth group I popped a muscle relaxer and pain pill (let me tell you there is no way to spend 45 minutes driving around town without REALLY REALLY REALLY compressing those injured discs.)
Since I am not comfortable going anywhere once I take the medicine (at least on my own) I ended the day outside by walking the new pup around the yard and up and down the garden paths. The puppy is bringing everyone joy and she really is the sweetest thing. Today was a good day
Thursday, June 03, 2010
The Patient Patient
Yesterday, after I got back from the neurosurgeon's office I posted a Facebook status about finally having a surgery date and a plan. There is something about having a date and plan in place that is comforting, even if the date and plan are painful. At least you know what is in store.
Many friends commented back both on FB and in person. My friend Margo though said something which has stayed with me. She said now I needed to be a 'patient patient.' When I first read it I simply checked it off in my head. Of course be a patient patient. I am actually quite good at the patience game. Also I have been a patient through 6 previous surgeries so I know the importance of patience.
But on further reflection I can clearly see that at least for this upcoming surgery I have been unable to be a patient patient. I wonder if it is even possible to achieve such a thing?
Last night I fell into a deep medicated sleep (the ride to and from Boston plus the testing flared my pain up to VERY high levels!) In the early morning hours I awoke from a very upsetting dream. As I lay gasping for fresh air to clear the bad dream from my mind I reflected again on Margo's words. Most of the time I do not think my dreams have any significance at all. I think so much of what we dream is simply reflective of what we ate or the last thing we watched before heading to bed. But sometimes a dream stays with you or seems to have purpose.
Maybe if I could put Margo's words into practise I would not have had such a terrible dream. The dream seems to indicate that I feel totally out of control and I want help in controlling an issue. Not surprising I suppose given what is going on in my life.
I think though we all think that if we were more intellectual and less emotional things would be easier. No point in worrying about a surgery that requires them to cut into my neck, move my trachea, work around my vocal cords to reach and remove damaged discs, place a cadaver bone for my vertebrae to fuse to, all without nicking the spinal column that is tucked in behind ...... Worry or not it is to happen so why waste bright blessed days and dark sacred nights fretting? Why indeed.....
The thing is 2 months of relentless pain is wearing on a person, there is no other way to put it. It takes all my energy to be cheerful open and available for my little kindergarten kids. Then the children in this family require some patient energy, then the animals, the garden, the husband...
The pain makes it hard to be patient with myself most of all....
Great happenings going on around here before surgery: Nikki's Spring Fling, Julie's permit test, Jamie's licence test, graduation parties to go to, the end of school, a party with some old friends, Margie and family coming to visit, a new dog coming, little bunnies who are of real show quality, the garden bursting with fresh food, Corey coming home, our family camping trip....so many wonderful joyous events.
But every single wonderful glorious event has me in pain trying to work around it, ignore it, grin and bare it.... every simple daytime chore complicated by discs and numbness and shooting arm neck and shoulder pain. Tonight for instance while cooking dinner I could not drain the macaroni because the pan is too heavy for my right arm to hold. I can no longer open jars or even water bottles because my grip will no longer grip.
Waiting for Jamie outside of Shaws was an ordeal of patience and lip biting endurance this evening. He did not mean to be late. He was witness to a shop lifter and had to fill out a police report, weighty matter for a young man. Don had gone to Nikki's softball game and was taking her to get her nails done. Tim was at church. All I had to do was drive the 5 minutes to get him and the 5 minutes home. I rested, walked, and stretched, I pateintly prepared for the simple task of picking him up.....then sat for 25 minutes in the car.... now I type this while standing, there is no more sitting down for me tonight.....
I know I need to work on patience. I know I need to prepare myself for the surgery, the inevitable complications (I have never had a surgery that did not end up with complications and a longer hospital stay. Of course this time that might not happen, number 7 COULD be the lucky charm!) It is probably foolish to wish just one painfree day in order to do this. I don't even wish that it was not happening to me. After going thru Corey's collapsed lungs nightmare I am ever so grateful it is me in pain and not one of them!
But the patient patient does not yet describe me and I wonder if it will ever be able to?
Many friends commented back both on FB and in person. My friend Margo though said something which has stayed with me. She said now I needed to be a 'patient patient.' When I first read it I simply checked it off in my head. Of course be a patient patient. I am actually quite good at the patience game. Also I have been a patient through 6 previous surgeries so I know the importance of patience.
But on further reflection I can clearly see that at least for this upcoming surgery I have been unable to be a patient patient. I wonder if it is even possible to achieve such a thing?
Last night I fell into a deep medicated sleep (the ride to and from Boston plus the testing flared my pain up to VERY high levels!) In the early morning hours I awoke from a very upsetting dream. As I lay gasping for fresh air to clear the bad dream from my mind I reflected again on Margo's words. Most of the time I do not think my dreams have any significance at all. I think so much of what we dream is simply reflective of what we ate or the last thing we watched before heading to bed. But sometimes a dream stays with you or seems to have purpose.
Maybe if I could put Margo's words into practise I would not have had such a terrible dream. The dream seems to indicate that I feel totally out of control and I want help in controlling an issue. Not surprising I suppose given what is going on in my life.
I think though we all think that if we were more intellectual and less emotional things would be easier. No point in worrying about a surgery that requires them to cut into my neck, move my trachea, work around my vocal cords to reach and remove damaged discs, place a cadaver bone for my vertebrae to fuse to, all without nicking the spinal column that is tucked in behind ...... Worry or not it is to happen so why waste bright blessed days and dark sacred nights fretting? Why indeed.....
The thing is 2 months of relentless pain is wearing on a person, there is no other way to put it. It takes all my energy to be cheerful open and available for my little kindergarten kids. Then the children in this family require some patient energy, then the animals, the garden, the husband...
The pain makes it hard to be patient with myself most of all....
Great happenings going on around here before surgery: Nikki's Spring Fling, Julie's permit test, Jamie's licence test, graduation parties to go to, the end of school, a party with some old friends, Margie and family coming to visit, a new dog coming, little bunnies who are of real show quality, the garden bursting with fresh food, Corey coming home, our family camping trip....so many wonderful joyous events.
But every single wonderful glorious event has me in pain trying to work around it, ignore it, grin and bare it.... every simple daytime chore complicated by discs and numbness and shooting arm neck and shoulder pain. Tonight for instance while cooking dinner I could not drain the macaroni because the pan is too heavy for my right arm to hold. I can no longer open jars or even water bottles because my grip will no longer grip.
Waiting for Jamie outside of Shaws was an ordeal of patience and lip biting endurance this evening. He did not mean to be late. He was witness to a shop lifter and had to fill out a police report, weighty matter for a young man. Don had gone to Nikki's softball game and was taking her to get her nails done. Tim was at church. All I had to do was drive the 5 minutes to get him and the 5 minutes home. I rested, walked, and stretched, I pateintly prepared for the simple task of picking him up.....then sat for 25 minutes in the car.... now I type this while standing, there is no more sitting down for me tonight.....
I know I need to work on patience. I know I need to prepare myself for the surgery, the inevitable complications (I have never had a surgery that did not end up with complications and a longer hospital stay. Of course this time that might not happen, number 7 COULD be the lucky charm!) It is probably foolish to wish just one painfree day in order to do this. I don't even wish that it was not happening to me. After going thru Corey's collapsed lungs nightmare I am ever so grateful it is me in pain and not one of them!
But the patient patient does not yet describe me and I wonder if it will ever be able to?
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