Later in the day a friend recommended A Dirty Life which is a memoir about a city woman who marries a country guy, and how they get their farm from dream to- more real than she ever expected- reality This novel had a lot more hands on farm stuff, but interestingly enough was also about the relationship between this woman and her eventual husband and how HIS dream became THEIR dream, and how they finally were able to work as one.
The early struggles of both couples brought to mind a few friends I have in the 'animal' world. They are single and one of the things they insist on in a relationship is that the other half MUST be into animals, and share their hobby and accompany them to shows, and although the other person can have their own hobbies they must understand that the animal hobby comes first. The whole "accept me for who I am Bud, or hit the road, philosophy."
I do know a few couples who are totally into the animal thing together. It must be wonderful to be able to discuss breeding pairs, points, and future vacations that center solely on the show season.
The more I watched the first season struggle of the Beekman boys, read the early farm struggle in the memoir, and contemplated my single friends 'love me love my animals or else' I realized how much work it all really does take and how open couples really have to be to make it work.
Everyone knows of course the the early years of raising tiny children can be all consuming and you are an ass if you think your needs come first. Not that those needs are not important, but if you are the adult in the relationship then you suck it up, ride it out, keep the other adult in mind and eventually you begin to have couple time again as well as me time. It is the same if you are married to an account. You realize that from February until April 15th you may as well be a widow, but that once tax season ends you get your spouse back.
Being in a relationship with a farmer however is different, especially if your farm includes animals. Because there is no down time. Usually the dead of winter is a quiet time for most working people. But if your farm includes meat animals then your babies are being born December January and February, in order to reach harvesting weight at the right time. We are lucky that because we are using our livestock for wool, milk, and show that we can have spring babies. My friend went to feed her baby lambs this morning, she lives out in western Mass. Just as she opened the small shed door the roof collapsed on the baby lambs. She immediately began shoveling snow and frantically tugging at the roof. Thankfully all the animals survived and the blood she was seeing was from her own torn up hands.
While our farm is a much smaller scale to hers, we have our own challenges.For instance, because Joe is showing birds this year we could not wait for late spring to have outdoor baby chicks, they need to be showing age by early summer (and laying eggs for the farmers market.) This means our chicks are in the living room, raising a racket and about to raise a stink.
Meanwhile Don is busy trying to get our own taxes done because we need to make sure there is enough money for a new furnace which is overdue to die. At the same time of course some of that money will be put aside for the sheep dog pup coming this summer. It is easy enough to love any new dog. But our plans to raise sheep mean someone besides me needs to be able to herd them. Sheep unlike goats run in the opposite direction when frightened oblivious to anything but their own fear. A bearded collie becomes a necessity not a luxury.
We have a farm full of animals but if you ask Don he will honestly tell you he is really not all that into them. Left to himself, he would have a cat, maybe. But he would also tell you that left to himself he would probably still be living upstairs at his mothers house. He would get up go to work each day play his guitar and go to bed. He might still coach or ref and he imagines he would still hike. His single life was not without companionship or interest. But until he hitched his wagon to mine it certainly was not very colorful and it was pretty darn predictable.
He would not have gone out 'looking' for a relationship with someone who wanted to be a farmer.... yet one of his favorite stories is the time he sat milking the goat. Nikki's boyfriend had tagged along in hopes of ingratiating himself to his new girlfriend's dad. The boy rambled on and on about this and that, hoping to impress Don. Then I wandered around the corner with the grain bucket. Don finally spoke to the boy. "See that tool on the shelf above your head? Do you know what that is? That is a castrator, and she (pointing to me) knows how to use it. Just remember, when you are dating my daughter, that my wife owns and knows how to use a castrator."
I have downloaded plans for an automatic milker, a sheep stand, and a spinning wheel. Because while he may not be into animals he likes to build things and save money. He will happily tag long to any show as long as he does not have to show. But he is more than willing to carry cages, figure out ways to pack everything in the van, and eat fried dough. He is never going to make cheese but he is more than happy to taste test every batch.,
When I was little I thought I would marry the farmer. It turns out Don married the farmer. It takes both of us though to make it work. We are in a relationship and in the relationship there was never the make or break rule that he had to be into animals. But the day he made my hope chest and the first thing I put in it was a dog leash and bowl, he got an inkling.
Well all grow and change although I think the essence of who we are remains the same. When we argue Don invariably says "but you knew this is how I am." It took me many years but finally one day I shouted it back at him "But you knew this is how I am." he lapsed into stunned silence and then gave a big grin. Fight over, as usual I was correct.
So he married a farmer which means he has to put up with animals in the living room and a baby monitor disturbing his sleep during kidding time. But he also gets to build things and eat eggs still warm from the chicken. He sits in a garden bursting with berries and vegetables that taste divine. He rakes under the apple trees and the very loam smells like apple pie.
He does not need to be into animals to be part of the farm. He just needs to love the person who is into the animals and that is enough.
Being in a relationship with a farmer however is different, especially if your farm includes animals. Because there is no down time. Usually the dead of winter is a quiet time for most working people. But if your farm includes meat animals then your babies are being born December January and February, in order to reach harvesting weight at the right time. We are lucky that because we are using our livestock for wool, milk, and show that we can have spring babies. My friend went to feed her baby lambs this morning, she lives out in western Mass. Just as she opened the small shed door the roof collapsed on the baby lambs. She immediately began shoveling snow and frantically tugging at the roof. Thankfully all the animals survived and the blood she was seeing was from her own torn up hands.
While our farm is a much smaller scale to hers, we have our own challenges.For instance, because Joe is showing birds this year we could not wait for late spring to have outdoor baby chicks, they need to be showing age by early summer (and laying eggs for the farmers market.) This means our chicks are in the living room, raising a racket and about to raise a stink.
Meanwhile Don is busy trying to get our own taxes done because we need to make sure there is enough money for a new furnace which is overdue to die. At the same time of course some of that money will be put aside for the sheep dog pup coming this summer. It is easy enough to love any new dog. But our plans to raise sheep mean someone besides me needs to be able to herd them. Sheep unlike goats run in the opposite direction when frightened oblivious to anything but their own fear. A bearded collie becomes a necessity not a luxury.
We have a farm full of animals but if you ask Don he will honestly tell you he is really not all that into them. Left to himself, he would have a cat, maybe. But he would also tell you that left to himself he would probably still be living upstairs at his mothers house. He would get up go to work each day play his guitar and go to bed. He might still coach or ref and he imagines he would still hike. His single life was not without companionship or interest. But until he hitched his wagon to mine it certainly was not very colorful and it was pretty darn predictable.
He would not have gone out 'looking' for a relationship with someone who wanted to be a farmer.... yet one of his favorite stories is the time he sat milking the goat. Nikki's boyfriend had tagged along in hopes of ingratiating himself to his new girlfriend's dad. The boy rambled on and on about this and that, hoping to impress Don. Then I wandered around the corner with the grain bucket. Don finally spoke to the boy. "See that tool on the shelf above your head? Do you know what that is? That is a castrator, and she (pointing to me) knows how to use it. Just remember, when you are dating my daughter, that my wife owns and knows how to use a castrator."
I have downloaded plans for an automatic milker, a sheep stand, and a spinning wheel. Because while he may not be into animals he likes to build things and save money. He will happily tag long to any show as long as he does not have to show. But he is more than willing to carry cages, figure out ways to pack everything in the van, and eat fried dough. He is never going to make cheese but he is more than happy to taste test every batch.,
When I was little I thought I would marry the farmer. It turns out Don married the farmer. It takes both of us though to make it work. We are in a relationship and in the relationship there was never the make or break rule that he had to be into animals. But the day he made my hope chest and the first thing I put in it was a dog leash and bowl, he got an inkling.
Well all grow and change although I think the essence of who we are remains the same. When we argue Don invariably says "but you knew this is how I am." It took me many years but finally one day I shouted it back at him "But you knew this is how I am." he lapsed into stunned silence and then gave a big grin. Fight over, as usual I was correct.
So he married a farmer which means he has to put up with animals in the living room and a baby monitor disturbing his sleep during kidding time. But he also gets to build things and eat eggs still warm from the chicken. He sits in a garden bursting with berries and vegetables that taste divine. He rakes under the apple trees and the very loam smells like apple pie.
He does not need to be into animals to be part of the farm. He just needs to love the person who is into the animals and that is enough.
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